the bondi beach club – amalfi style
Janek Gazecki doesn’t surf. He’s a polo guy who writes books and goes fishing, plus he was a lawyer once and now is running a company that wants to do Bondi over.
Janek reckons the joint needs a little European. He’s had enough of the rabble who think they can come down to Bondi without paying someone for the pleasure.
Paying someone like him. The bright ideas boy.
He’s done with alll those misfits from Kings Cross and Bondi Junction, the refugees from Bronte and Tamarama, the unwanted from Coogee and the criminally negligent from Maroubra.
Janek Gazecki says his proposal to rope off a small section of Bondi Beach and charge visitors $80 to enter his Amalfi Beach Club actually democratises Australia’s most famous stretch of sand.
Like South Bondi. Seen here almost overcome by the thousands of non-paying bludgers who think they own it. These losers won’t get a vote in Janek’s Amalfi Club beach democracy unless they fork out eighty notes for the pleasure. This bloke’s got the Donald Trump syndrome.
Jano reckons there has to be a mob willing to pay him big bucks to diversify the use of the beach. People who want to recline in deckies, drink machiatto, eat bagels and watch waves break.
They’ll have fine dining, he says, but in a casual context. Maybe he means people who want to recline in deckies, drink machiatto, eat bagels and watch waves break while wearing g-strings.
How wrong is this bloke? And why isn’t he working his caper in Queensland?
How does he not know that if his plan ever comes to fruition, the nobs who get to book a deck chair on the first day will be surrounded by a howling mob of degenerate hoboes, losers and miscreants, the real Bondi mainstream. I’m betting Cochran will stump up enough to fly over for it, and Dooley, and the Canadian Kook – these men are not to be trifled with. Red Ted is good for weaponry and Jenkins can record the event for posterity. Yates might even show up. It’ll be like old times.
Then there are the newer generations of Bondi surf rats, the thousands of them. Are they going to be happy to have to walk around a secure roped-off area of the beach they have owned all their lives in order to be first out for the early?
Fuck no !
Euro beach chic? Janek?
Jano also reckons he’s going to target the locals, well, if the locals are anything like they used to be, they might use the same approach with regard to him. A man should watch his words here.
But there’s more ..
Our man Janek is looking for those who seek a refined cultural and culinary experience embodied by premium beach clubs. This could be a problem seeing he wants to rope off a section of the beach from February to May .. because someone should tell him about how good sand tastes in a lobster morney when there’s a thirty knot southerly howling ashore and blowing your Gucci frock up and over your shoulders.
What old Jano doesn’t really get, is that it’s not his club’s customers who are going to be considered elitist by the locals … locals are the elitists. That’s what Bondi does for you.
So, bugger off, Jano, seriously .. try Camp Cove, or Redleaf Pool.