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the ugly australians and byron hipsters

In the last couple of days there have been two instances of unforgivable behaviour by surfers.

First there was this bloke.

Young man with short brown hair and a button-up shirt with flowers on it, on a boat with purple sky background.

Picture yourself in a small ultraconservative village in Aceh province where Sharia Law is rigidly enforced. Your name is, unaccountably, Bodhi Mani Risby-Jones, you’re 23 and have only recently arrived from ultra-fashionable Noosa yet here you are at about midnight fully pissed (or something else), fully naked and running amok in the township, punching kicking and beating whoever looked like they might need it, like everybody.

The townspeople so enraged they gathered in large numbers with a view to burning down the building that housed you before the local wallopers collared your sorry self … then it was face down in the dirt and chickenshit with bulk local constabulary all over you. We hope they treated you gently Bodhi as surely they knew that being an Australian excuses this sort of behaviour. They’re the ignorant natives, we’re better educated live in Noosa and have much more money. Plus we can surf!

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We’re thinking the ugly Australian in the top pic probably looks a little more like this after a few days in a cell, but no worries thinkest the Bodhi as his Sanskrit name is a reflection of his true character as its meaning is translated as “awakening” and “enlightenment.” The name is rooted in Buddhist traditions and its meaning is synonymous with the concept of nirvana and the final goal of Buddhism. Mani is interpreted as meaning “eternity, thinker or thoughtful.”

Though it looks like old Bodhs got his nirvanas mixed up because now he’s looking at a plus 10 year jail sentence and a severe public flogging. Pity is that he’s just one of a mob of like Australian yobs bothering the locals up there.

Then there’s this bloke.

He’s a Hipster and he surfs the Pass at Byron regularly but what we’re not seeing here is a leg rope because the Hipster reckons they’re totally uncool and besides, its up to the goose in the way of his loose board to get out of the loose board’s way and too bad if he can’t. This is Hipster thinking. But Byron Council has had enough of these blokes and they are about to pass a law that will enable them to fine anyone not wearing a rope in the surf.

This is a good thing.

… but

whatabout the bloke who snakes you? He ought to cop a $500 on the spot hit. Then there’s the drop-in artist: $1,000 and his car driven away and burnt. The floundering fool paddling out who tries to get over the bowling section you’re heading for instead of taking the hard way out and letting you go by, him? $750 on the spot plus he gets his fins punched out and thrown away.

Or the smart-arse who spots you paddling out and throws a massive roundhouse which drenches you with ice-cold winter spray. The only way to get even with this bloke is to undo your leggie and wait for him to paddle out. Then you grab a wave, any wave, and head straight for him. When he’s too close to get out of the way you jump off your board.


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