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the cronulla riots – only a surfer knows the feeling

An lucid examination of the social aspects of the Cronulla race riots of December 2005

Scene 1 – Jimmy has a grievance.

This is Jimmy, he’s a bra boy. Jimmy (James) is a surfer.

Jimmy thinks that the best way to go forward in his discussion on the racial merits of our muslim brothers with Constable Mick O’Hearn is to have a bottle of beer handy just in case someone gets thirsty. Jimmy is accompanied throughout the exchange by –

The hangers on:

Behind Jimmy (James), on our left, is young Monty (with the neck jewellery) – like Jimmy he has a something to say and we are liking his sympathetic show of intimate apparel  – particularly given the lovely satin job James is sporting. So comfy when things get stormy.

Directly behind James is Wayne. Wayne is taking the opportunity to admire the breadth of James’ shoulders – Wayne is like that, he’s a bra boy, he’s a lover, and who knows what he’s wearing under those cargos. No mattter, whatever is making him happy on this day.

The third chap hanging off Jimmy’s shoulder is his brother Phil – Phil is waiting for Constable O’Hearn to draw the spray.

Phil is cool.

Scene 2 – Jimmy goes the Mongrel.

Our man has had enough – The only way to end this thinks young Jim, is to smash an empty beer bottle over the copper’s head – An excellent strategy given the collective IQ of all present. Smack it down and just walk away – copper on the ground bleeding and Jimmy right up there in the b’boys rankings – no fucking worries. We’ll all be high fiving the Commancheros MC before the day is out.

What camera?

Wayne has maintained his position though and we admire his sexual fortitude and the doggednesss to keep on his game, despite the distractions.

– and check Phil, cool as.

Scene 3 – Jimmy’s does his bottle.

How calm is Phil, how that transcendental smile overpowers the tension, the lad is an iceman. The older paler fatter boofhead who has appeared over his left shoulder is Abdaman, the Sgt at Arms of the Notorious M.C. and he apparently has some items on his mind that need a little ventilation, like a GST rebate on amphetamine purchases.

He should put his leather jacket back on as he looks a little out of order with all the other toned bodies. This is not a good day for the Lebanese Look. A man should plan ahead Abdy, think it through.

Wayne has gone for a quick bicep feel as he probably realises that time is no longer on his side – Better than nothing old son, Jimmy will never know.

Scene 4 – Jimmy’s final move – the death stare.

It’s all over, even Monty (on the left and with the jewellery) has moved up a rank for a few final admonishments, Wayne perservers with his fond attentions and the crowd rankles and mutters away.

Jimmy presents a truly feasome sight here as he maintains the grip on his weapon. We can presume that he is warning the entire NSW constabulary, the state and federal judicial system and all the parlimentary processes that he is a bra boy and that shit don’t mean shit on the streets of cronulla.

Word has it that Constable O’Hearn called on young Jim early the next morning, and after waking him up with a fatherly shake gave him a few sharp lessons on how to arm wrestle and finally advised him which other state in this great nation might benefit from his negotiating skills.

I’m betting he went straight to Queensland.

an update – 26 May 2013

19 Comments Post a comment
  1. Steve Shearer #

    “The older paler fatter boofhead who has appeared over his left shoulder is Abdaman, the Sgt at Arms of the Notorious M.C. and he apparently has some items on his mind that need a little ventilation, like a GST rebate on amphetamine purchases.”

    Hahahha. There everywhere at the moment.

    January 6, 2011
  2. Steve Shearer #

    They are I mean. Always get the theirs mixed up.

    January 6, 2011
  3. you mean Ab, da man – don’t you

    January 6, 2011
  4. Steve Shearer #

    Yeah, sure is a lot of goofy-footers on that Wateys holy roller.

    January 6, 2011
  5. I laughed so hard I think I passed a bit of wind into my knickers. Excuse me for that.

    January 6, 2011
  6. Buccaneer #

    What a fun looking bunch of lads.

    January 6, 2011
  7. Stu #

    Nice one Pete…tears a bit of a hole in the ‘Five Years Since Cronulla’ piece I wrote on Sellnowt. Might be a full decade before I can fully give myself over to the humour however. Shame of it all is that the Jim, Phil and Waynes of this place felt vindicated after Cronulla. In their eyes they ‘won’ and they still wear their pants low in celebration.

    January 6, 2011
  8. Fair enough Stu, it’s your home town – I always thought that the best way I could get stuck into the arseholes was to take the piss.
    They must be shamed down by those images – must be – except for the fool with the bottle, no cure for what ails him is there.

    January 6, 2011
  9. Stu #

    Ahh..maybe it’s the fact it’s been 3-4 foot since Wednesday and I’m yet to have a good session. Got no dog to kick either.

    Weekend following the riots a mate and I joined the march against racism in the city. Not sure how many turned out, but many orders more than rioted at Cronulla. We painted a white sheet with ‘S.A.V – Surfers Against Violence’. And underneath, ‘You Wont Get Battered by this Sav’.

    Were hoping for front page Herald acclaim, but they went with a sappy shot of mixed heritage folk walking arm in arm.

    January 7, 2011
  10. Mike #

    got no dog to kick either…. heeheeeheheeeeee

    Should use the photos as Ads for Quantas, come visit Sydney…. if you’re white.

    Lucky this was in Oz, in LA there would have been helicopters buzzin low and EVERyONe would be armed. Yeeeww!

    January 7, 2011
  11. crusty john #

    Ok there where some dickheads at Cronulla.

    Probably less than one percent participating in the so called riot.

    I have seen more action in a serbian croatia soccer match.

    I guess if u see the same shot over and over again it expands . I cant really blame the guy who took the flag from Brighton rsl it was inflammatory reporting.

    I was there before the Protest started i guess previous writers where not.

    There where 5000 people there for a protest. All ages all genders. People played cricket
    ate ice creams and there was no sign of bats and guns unlike the people who terrorised the eastern suburbs.

    Unfortunately no sensational photos of those incidents,

    I think the reasons for the protest are well documented. If the group in questions birthplace and or heritage is not Australian I guess people can trot out the racecard.

    February 1, 2012
  12. Connor O'Reily #

    Let me share my assessment of Jimmy (James), he is obviously a pathetic speciment of a human being physically, from his threats to the police officer we can also infer that he has the intellectual capacity of brick. People like THAT are un-Australian. I was born in country Victoria, my heritage is Irish/British. By the standards of the people who drapped themselves in Australian flags at Cronulla I am a prime example of an ‘occa Aussie, mate, ect etc’ – tedious, unimaginative and pathetic. If scum-sucking gutter trash like Jimmy (who I consider to be sub-human) are to be thought of as the definition of Australian character I think it is high time that we reinvent our national character…with Jimmy’s blood. People like this have no right to existance little own the nerve to call themselves Australian.

    May 22, 2012
  13. john #

    Again

    Less than .05 % of Jimmeys and how about eatern suburb attack ten cars 5 in each a white woman was bashed . Oh it was retalitary.

    U must watch a polish russia soccer match or any european soccer. Riot Ha ha

    July 6, 2012
  14. Braithy #

    … With arms like tampon strings and eyes like ping-pong balls. He cuts a fearless figure. Does Jim.

    If he had have thought this thing through though, he woulda applied a bandana to his receding hairline. Constable Mick’s chances of getting out of there in time for Deal or No deal would have been significantly reduced with just the simple application of a bandana.

    It’s like if you want things done right, you gotta do it yourself, huh?

    September 19, 2012
  15. Pell #

    I love to have these guys in a foxhole

    Obama

    Though I would not like try to bring them down when there really pissed and they are late for work, or worse still they get arrested and their family are really pissed off that they on the telly. The boofheads try and learn, leaded, still boofheads, but enlinghtened boofheads, love it , enlightened boofheads. U.N lookout, enlightened boofheads are on there way.

    June 17, 2014
  16. Pell, mate, you need to get blogged up .. It ain’t hard, and they’re free …

    June 17, 2014
  17. sjh #

    careful with that axe Eugene or a nice fade take your pick

    June 19, 2014
  18. Pell #

    ok, thanks, point taken. But man, I was on swtor rp under the pseundonym Mortedartius (having a great love of Star Wars). Tried to chat up Mai Cash, she may be married. But damnit, I will become a poet! Thanks Pete, loved the stories.

    June 20, 2014
  19. Pell #

    sjh, I would let him take the wave.

    June 20, 2014

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