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synoptic charts

Would you allow your children to read this?

These images are hereby recommended for complete removal from all forms of media – They are everyman’s road to successful surf forecasting and thereby the major cause of overcrowding at those sacred spots that at times look like municipal carparks where once they were only a home to kangaroos and untrod dunes and the distant rumble of large waves.

They have demoted cloud reading as an archaic notion, they have made it unnecessary to know whether winds blow clockwise or counter-clockwise around weather systems – they are not necessary, they should be made illegal, downloading synoptic charts should be made a criminal offense.

Look about you now, listen for the rustle of the  morning’s broadsheet as your colleague rifles through the financial pages on his way to the comics and the daily synoptic chart. Walk over to his cubicle, confirm that the offense is taking place and smack him smartly on the back of his head, then raise a formal complaint to your supervisor about his corrupt workplace behaviour.

Chap on the bus over there reading the morning tabloid, see his sly little smile that only betrays what he is reading, the filthy dog! Leave your seat immediately and go over to him, snatch away the paper and toss it out the window, then raise a formal complaint to the driver.

We must act thusly, we must rid ourselves of these unworthy ones –

.. you know it makes sense.

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