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chas smith has his own peculiar demons

Doing the deadline

Thinking surfers are the exact sorts of people that flourish underneath the fluorescent lighting and prepared bedside meal deliveries and incontinence and visiting hours of nursing homes. They are the exact sorts of people that flourish when nobody, except for people exactly like them, is listening. How fun! How the best kind! – Chas Smith

Good morning.

The short quote (above) was lifted from here and although I don’t for a moment recommend you read the link I would suggest that it is an example of surfing literature/ reporting / opinion / editorial / that is very relevant today – and I feel that the powerful emotives displayed here so unashamedley should be examined in a heartfelt way. I’m sure that the lad means well.

Chas has taken some five minutes to mount an impressive attack on this place; an attack so wicked (that’s a good word) and so full of grandmotherly polarism that we need to take some careful note of his words – seeing as how he represents so many millions in the water. Chas is the future is he not?

This will not take long.

I would like to refer to the opening para lifted from Chas’s opinion piece – that’s the stuff in italics up ^ there, and I would appreciate it if you folks stood by me while I play the deconstructionalist in this instance, or as Derrida may well agree – I would like to demonstrate the incoherence of Smithy’s position. OK if I can be that familiar Chas? – Lets pretend we are mates.

(1) Nobody, no thing flourishes under flourescent lighting – Flourescent lighting is a gas discharge lamp that uses electricity to discharge mercury vapour which in turn produces short-term ultra-violet light that in turn causes a phorphor to flouresce.

(2) ‘ Prepared bedside meal deliveries and incontinence and visiting hours of nursing homes ‘ Quote.

This is a tough one Chas – We are supposed to equate nursing home food to incontinence and visiting hours is that right?  Perhaps your dear old uncle shat in your hand when you visited him that day after he had eaten – am I close ? Dare I say that the sentence has a unhealthy reek of ageism and just a touch of Nazism – after all it is well documented that the Nazis used the ‘ Stab in the back ‘ – the ‘ Dolchstosslegend ‘ as the reason for their defeat in WW1. Now that’s a dreadfully long bow to draw Chas I know, but at least it’s a better sample of bullshit than can be found in some surfing magazines, don’t you think?

Then again perhaps you don’t, Chas.

Surely you do not need to manufacture enemies Chas, a man in your position, a magazine as powerful as yours, so many avid young readers – Why this indefensible reference to the weakest in our society? The oldest.

Are you still with me Chas? Need to think it over a bit matey? (there’s that troublesome word again) Want to to check with Nana …?

– and forgive me here if I have presumed that English is your mother tongue Chas, we are such a cosmopolitan society these days, especially the editorial board of that fine magazine you represent, and if it is the case indeed that some other language is your mother tongue then let me congragulate you on your fine effort to make sense of what, to you, must be a complicated subject. Top marks old boy, very well done. Keep up the lessons.

Lastly (3)  – ‘People only flourish when nobody but their own kind listen to them ‘ Quote – ?

Tell me I’ve grasped the thrust of your closing position; you are saying that closed societies flourish better when nobody else listens to them –

Questions, questions and questions – nevertheless Chas Smith, we need you in the surfing press, you and your like – you make us think.

12 Comments Post a comment
  1. I wouldn’t worry much about Chas. That article was just a verbal scream of anguish, let loose when he inadvertently pinched a testicle after pulling up his skinny jeans too fast before the Animal Collective concert.

    April 13, 2011
  2. Mike #

    Funny BreW.

    Chas had a fresh style that has worn like a trend (STAB), quickly. As he tries to accelerate his surf cred, he’ll make more mistakes. Desperation has the olfactory effect off an urgent swipe. Claws sliding down the chalkboard. Precious few bubbles surfacing a relevancy.

    Primary reason? Chas doesn’t surf nor cares to. And each day he’s aging.

    You took it easy on him Peter, but benevolence is admired. Restraint. Cheers.

    April 13, 2011
  3. I feel sorry for the bloke Mike – anyone who writes like that needs a lot of encouragement – he’s obviously lacking in some of the more important disciplines in the writing trade but we like to be onside.

    April 13, 2011
  4. I think that maybe they slipped him a mickey when he was at the nursing home visiting – only someone high could write something so stupid, badly written, and full of ^***($.

    And I loved your reply Pete – seeing a half baked idjit told where to go – yeah – I miss Australian straight talk 🙂

    April 13, 2011
  5. davo's liver #

    You let him off easy. I disagree that he needs a lot of encouragement. He needs a lot of discouragement. Better suited for a Jr. grade writer post on O.C. Housewives. If that. He’s another in a long string of full of themselves nitwits that always have something to say but just don’t strike me as ever having anything relevant to say. As always, well writen Pete.

    April 13, 2011
  6. It must be me davo, ever since Al the firewood man left a little something with his last load (Al’s a dylan man – drives an 8 cyl holden ute – fires up one every ten minutes – lives west of lismore – about my vintage) I’m all taken with the love.

    Rotto drives in the daggar, I fan the body with feathers.

    April 13, 2011
  7. davo's liver #

    Can’t fault good old fashioned common sense and restraint can we now?

    One in the dow with ya brother, one in the dow.

    April 14, 2011
  8. Buccaneer #

    Davo, I hope you are one with the Tao also.

    April 15, 2011
  9. Buccaneer #

    Or maybe you guys know Tony Dow ?? You know Beavers, big brother.

    April 15, 2011
  10. Mike #

    Fan the body with feathers??…. any chance he’ll resurrect with such reverent attention Pete?

    Didn’t another Smith start a questionable church over less?

    Wow, history in the making.

    April 15, 2011
  11. No Mike, I want to keep the bloke alive – he tastes better

    April 16, 2011
  12. satch #

    hey pete, what do’y think of jerks, twerps and masters of juxtaposition and the chas smith froth

    April 16, 2011

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