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a couple of why the fuck howcome instances

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Why is it the fuck that everytime I have to change from day to day gear and into sluggos under a towel in some empty carpark a car loaded up with teenage girls pulls in and turns the entire episode into a regressive strip-tease act.

And howcome everytime I want to take a piss on the beach, up the back by the dunes, a half dozen kiddies erupt from some twenty-bed mansion back there decide to infiltrate the entire area.

Wealth smokes.

And howcome everytime I want to unload a joint in the peace and quiet of some backwater lagoon an aquatic schoolroom of squealing infants in canoes paddles around the corner with their noses in the air. Read me this Lake Ainsworth. There was a time.

And howcome every time I want a little space on the beach there is some babe in there ready to hit the rape button because I’m about twenty feet away from her topless and totally uninviting body, and looking the other way.

Lady, please. Not today, and not fucking ever. Somebody needs a change of radar.

And dogs, do I have some smell of cat that attracts their displeasure, and how nice are those little plastic parcels of dogshit that litter the beach. How the fuck can someone go to the trouble of scooping up a wet and sloppy turd, then slide it into a baggie, tie the end, and then toss the fucker to the wind.

Guns, we need guns on the beach. See that hand waving, it’s mine. I’ll go first.

Thanks for listening, I’ll get out of you way now.

{geez dan, I hope that your kid isn’t reading this}

4 Comments Post a comment
  1. … and how come when I go to an empty beach with my girlfriend some creepy old c**nt in sluggos always decides to set camp just a stones throw from us…

    January 26, 2013
  2. life’s not meant to be easy guys…just ask old Malcom

    January 26, 2013
  3. because he wants your body, bear

    January 26, 2013
  4. …thanks for clearing that up Pete… I suspected as much.

    January 26, 2013

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