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layne beachley .. enough is more than plenty

Lovely lady Layne, I’m sure. Express surfer as well, known for going it big and going out with Kenny Bradford, Bradshore or something – he was a big wave boofhead in Hawaii. A contender.

She wasn’t known for having a cutback either. Note the rigid leading lower limb here. If you’re going to hang your arse over the water two bent legs are necessary to deliver circular accelerating velocity. Thighs like Tom Carroll aren’t enough.

This is fundamental.

Apparently Beachley and Bradforce both went out at Sunset in all sorts of conditions and threw rocks at each other underwater. We find this a little hard to believe seeing as how no magazines picked up the event and nothing in surfing can be believed unless it’s been printed and racked in a newsagent stand. Plus neither of them ever ducked during the session, there’s ways of knowing this.

Did you hear about the six blokes who wanted to be on the surfboat crew? They were asked to stand up against a wall as someone chucked bricks at them. The guys who got the spots were the ones who didn’t duck.

Beachley was a world champ about seven times and right now she’s looking over her shoulder at Ms S. Gilmore who is in the number of times world champion overtaking lane with about five up. That’s the scenario. As soon as Gilmore gets to seven Beachley is out of the news forever and for this we are truly thankful – it’s been nearly twenty years since LB won her first comp at Narrabeen. Twenty. Years.

And the way we hear it is that she still hasn’t had enough media coverage for the effort. Having your picture on the back of a bus crushing a can, or something, never did lead to anything BIG enough for Layne.

Ask me how we know this – because she keeps on telling it like this. Layne digs Layne so righteously so. She wrote the book. She gives the presentations. She talks to the news media. Walks in parades, rides camels – eats with a spoon. Marries the guy in the back of all the INXS posters, the sax tootler. The one with the face fiz.

If we were to dispense with all the singular personal pronouns* in Standard Modern English Layne Beachley would disappear. Forever.

Does anyone know how to make that happen?

* I, me, my, myself

12 Comments Post a comment
  1. sjh #

    anyone that would pump KB to get a rep out to be dragged out naked and shot in the bright clear sunlight for all to witness …

    July 18, 2012
  2. Pete, Layne’s media presence doesn’t always win her many friends. The things is though, that it would be nice for you to acknowledge that she worked so hard in so many ways for her competitive results, to raise the profile of women’s shortboard surfing, and to create opportunities for the competitive women shortboarders to compete. You might not like the way she goes about it (I don’t always), but dismissing her in this way is pretty mean-spirited and stays the line that so many others in surf-media take. With fewer world-titles, Andy Irons got away with this kind of self-promoting behaviour and it was rarely for the greater good. While you might not love her style, you have to ask yourself why exactly you are so passionate in your appraisal? I know it’s your way to write these kinds of stories, which is great, and I’m not saying that critiquing a woman or calling bullshit on her is a bad thing – of course not! – but, well, in this case it kind of renders invisible the role she has played in paving the way for Steph Gilmore and other young women on tour in terms of expectations of pay and opportunities for comps. She has had a different role in competitive surfing, which I think is played down against the intense dislike that she seems to inspire, and that really is a shame.

    As for sjh, anyone who would write such a violent and hateful comment deserves to be called an ignorant moron.

    July 29, 2012
  3. Hey ‘Bec .. I just can’t take professional surfing seriously, male or female. It has to be a generation neuro synapse – once they didn’t exist, now they do – If I knew as much about golf I’d be having a shot at them .. practised on the old man most of my life. Maybe that’s the problem.
    How’s the new baa?

    July 29, 2012
  4. Rebecca Olive #

    Well, Dora was a shameless self-promoter, with no altruistic agenda other than his own continued access to money and waves, and that seems to go unpunished by history. It’s all just.. inconsistent. You know? And that’s not a dig at you, but at the way Layne gets treated more broadly. I just think it’s a bit unfair.

    The new Kurungabaa is great – it looks gorgeous and the stories are wonderful.

    July 30, 2012
  5. sjh #

    Sorry it was supposed to read —- out to be dragged out naked in the clear light of reality and shot .

    July 30, 2012
  6. sjh #

    The BAA,s unrestrained free fall into adulation and self flagellation at the feet of the surf youth culture related global industry including their advertising arm thinly disguised as a professional sporting body and mass media manipulation and prostituted journalism is not my cup of tea that’s for sure, I am a touch non PC as I prefer a touch of artistic freedom in my writings and readings & some good old venom in the observations where and when appropriate….but then again I grew up when surf board riding was about riding waves.

    July 31, 2012
  7. davo's liver #

    Adriano will also be remembered for having “worked so hard”. Upon retirement he can join LB in the “Legends of Surfings Unmitigated Douchebags” contest circut..

    August 6, 2012
  8. sjh #

    nice work

    August 9, 2012
  9. bozo returns #

    ah ha! a hippie!

    August 13, 2012
  10. sjh #

    PB have you ever considered adding a few more names to the list of surfers we have had Enough of hearing about ie
    Rabbit
    Kong
    Mitch T
    TC
    NC
    Barton L
    Dammo
    Shane H the red headed ranga
    Dave MaC
    Pottz aka potty
    Man i am over reading or seeing this bunch in the media its like the 80s are over australia move fucken ….its bit like the yanks when thier media did not want to let go of Pete Cole and Billy Hamilton and Co in the mid 70s it was anal

    December 11, 2012
  11. I’d be happy if they shut down all surfing books, movies, comps, websites, labels, magazines, newspaper columns, fuel tv, old legends, new legends, triple crown, advertising on boards, T shirts, shirts, shorts, wet-suits, tattoos … shit’s been out of control way too long.
    Bring back the surfer, bring back the bum.

    December 11, 2012
  12. sjh #

    Yea i can dig that

    December 12, 2012

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