being a surfer and losing condition. the wetsuit zip.
Surfers are not known for exhibiting anything other than an aryan cool, a masterful scorn – they are the celebrated elite. This has been researched and is well known, even the fool with a SUP has a small share of this personality disorder, commonly called The Condition . More so the bellyboarder. Only the body surfer is free of The Condition and long may he reign.
The ocean sport has no rules and no joining fees – it’s open slather out there and egos play with whales. Like with like. This is the environment where The Condition either flourishes or is extinguished forever, because there is no coming back. It’s a cruel world.
What we will examine here are the instances that result in the permanent loss of The Condition.
The wetsuit zip.
A fine afternoon, cold. The bank up in the north corner is even better than yesterday and nobody is out. Dump the boots, out of the car, grab the board and wetsuit and run to the top of the beach. 2 K’s. The closer you get the better the waves look. Flawless peelers, and all yours. Nobody anywhere.
Rest the board up onto the wire, strip off the workclothes and pull on a pair of sluggos, pull the wetsuit up over your shoulders, reach around the back for the zip cord – watch another perfect set slide along the bank – and give it a good tug. So good that the strap breaks, comes away in your hand, with the zip tab.
Have you ever had your car stolen .. ? Some folks look at the place where it was parked for quite some time when they first realise it has gone, hoping that this is an early Alzheimer moment which means that they are looking at where they didn’t park it yesterday, and in a minute they will remember where they parked it today. Right there.
I watched a surfer do that at Mona Vale years ago, he even retraced his steps to the beach and came back a few times, the time-machine trick. He was probably hoping to step back into yesterday. Nice fellow in all other ways. I knew him from somewhere.
– as you were ..
The methods by which a man alone on a beach is able to draw up a wetsuit zip without an attached strap are not widely shared, and asamatteroffact we are advised that there are none, none at all. You are doomed to trudge back to the car (2K’s) and go home dry.
To follow in the loss of condition series:
the brasilian’s loose board
no wax,no fingernails
having a woman know you are pissing in your w/suit
wetsuit roadside browneyes
header is achilles thetis and the river styx by pp reubens
Of course you could run back to the car and get it zipped up somehow, but (this is where it hurts) there are three cars there unloading eight boards and you know where they’re headed don’t you. That’s what we mean, it’s a permanent loss.