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the billabong teahupoo 2013 pro – a look at the minor contestants. (1) ralph karadjdordjic.

The 2011 Tahiti Billabong Pro comp is underway and the world’s best have gathered here to compete in one of the more dangerous events on the surfing calendar. Teahupoo is almost impossible to paddle into when the wave gets to a serious height and any miscalculation can become very serious, many contestants are injured, and many lose all their confidence when faced with a massive heat.

We use this opportunity to have a look at the minor contestants, the ones who are here under pressure for the first time – the young bloods of surfing.

< – – – Say hi to Ralphie. He’s from Serbia and is a first time contestant after qualifying from the WQS to the top ranks last year.

Ralphie learnt to surf in Monaco when his father was a croupier at the casino and is a longtime local that little left just down by Princess Grace Avenue. As a matter of fact Ralphie has always admired the Princess and has fashioned his professional surfing look, his Brand,  in her image. The hair is a stunning likeness, the roses in sombre remembrance, the cute little bow – so Monegasque!

The pallor, well, she’s been dead for about 30 years.

The general feeling amongst the marketing elite at B’Bong is that as a Brand, the ‘ Karadjdordjic ‘ look may well be be the lift they’re looking for in European sales. That old GFC just won’t go away, and besides, how can you take a rioter seriously when he’s wearing Rastaman Vibration Boardshorts, innit.

Remember the Unisex look? Well welcome to the Anysex look. There are babes out there who want to be Ralphie!

– and given the rumours that have abounded around the circuit for the last twenty years, there may well be a few contestants who want to be around Ralphie. Is this a win win or what?

The strategy:

Ralphie doesn’t intend flinching in his semi-final heat with Slater, and he has confided to his inner circle (Nick Carroll, Steve Shearer, Dave Mailman) that his plan of attack is to simply go deep, pull in – and keep the hair dry. Tahitian hairdressers can only do The Frizz.

He also intends wearing a bikini on the day as he knows Slater has a weakness for good form. Ralphie’s people have done their homework, Baywatch has never been forgotten and still rates good numbers in Vrange. Prime Time.

What we are  looking at here is his smoulder glare, we don’t snarl and swear out there on the reef, says Ralphie, we attack your very psyche. You won’t know whether you’re jacking up a line off the porcelain down in Rue Clapper or going for the lobster out here.

Chopes .. ! I’m coming at you M’sieu Slats.  “Cepha” ..

Good luck Champ.

~

Header pic of Didier Tinhing by Aframe – 2005 comp

6 Comments Post a comment
  1. I think you’ve stumbled on another winner of a series, Pete. Lol.

    August 23, 2011
  2. Davo's Liver #

    Golden as it gets Peter. Ned Kelly’s yer uncle mate!

    August 23, 2011
  3. Mike #

    Love Ralphie’s inner circle.

    oh that’s rich.

    ANysex…. st Peter, you are a genius.

    August 23, 2011
  4. next up is ‘ rinky dora ‘ another topflite number

    August 23, 2011
  5. Mike #

    BTW… the claiming photo is existential. Just like hamburgers. Except different.

    August 23, 2011
  6. it’s not existential if he’s treading water, only if he’s drowning.

    August 23, 2011

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