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things that only a surfer knows – the early rising

  • There are Rules of Dis-engagement

Never wake the wife / girlfriend as you rise – she may want a cup of tea – or something a little more time consuming.

There is no time, and others are already on their way. The weather is such a fickle beast, women are more predictable and a weak man has no notion.

Get up!

Rise from the shared bed silently and vacate the room like a thief, remember that it is always advisable to memorise the floorplan if the bedroom is unfamiliar territory. Always clear an exit path to the door.

Stack your clothes where you can find them without turning the lights on in the morning – some experts in the field get nude in the living room, although care must be taken here not to get active in that particular location. Escape routes must always be kept clear. You may not be SAS but the same rules apply .. Survival !! – or how to exit from enemy territory. Slap away the grasping hands.

Avoid the playthings that some like to incorporate in their eeeerhh lovemaking sexual relations hankypanky evening’s entertainment. Like those perfumed oils that come in provocatively shaped bottles, try getting that stuff off in five minutes next morning. Might as well keep a bucket of turps in the car. Say no to bottled temptation old lad, rely on the juices of life.

– and never leave a note, there is always the chance that the surf is not quality and you have the opportunity of getting back in ten minutes and resuming the relationship – this is when you make the cup of tea.

Walk in with it, wake her up – tell her you love her. Get to work late.

A word here to those who wish to consummate a relationship in the family home, like that old Queenslander on the hill above Broken Head – which coincidentally has promise for the early am.

Mother is always listening.

There are many other complications to this particular scenario – like the shared crashpad accommodation.

Here you are treading delicately over all those sleeping bodies – slipping away and on your way to outright 10′ Bower – when some lovely on the floor wakes up and grabs you by your sturdy calf. As if one overcoming urge wasn’t enough –

What to do ..

Only a surfer knows the feeling ..

Go.

11 Comments Post a comment
  1. joe green #

    tea and a biscuit later.

    December 14, 2011
  2. Morning glory..

    December 14, 2011
  3. Filed under: the hard hits – investigative online journalism – REALLY !!!!

    December 14, 2011
  4. Steve Beach #

    And if the accommodation IS shared or the wife/gf is particularly light of sleeping, park the (prepacked) car out on the street or down the block, aimed down the hill. DO NOT be not first in the driveway or, worse, first in the carport, with 3 cars behind: you do not want a) a curious audience, b) 5 new best friends in the lineup or c) to cruel your chance, should the surf be shite, to get back unscathed and undetected.

    December 14, 2011
  5. I’m allowed my fantasies Joe

    December 14, 2011
  6. been there eh steve?

    December 14, 2011
  7. Steve Beach #

    Too many times, Pete, too many times….

    December 14, 2011
  8. Peter, I am not even going to try to catch up, you’ve been prolific as always. I am sorry.

    Loved this piece, very good!

    December 15, 2011
  9. This thing popped up into a vacant mind at 2 am the other night – and if you’re laughing then it’s a success – very happy with that Team

    December 15, 2011
  10. AJ #

    Mr. Bowes –

    First time on your site. “Early Rising” spoke to me. I, like all surfers, have been there. On Sat morn I intend to sneak out, clear the head, and when I return I think I’m going to put a ring on her finger. She has dealt with me sneaking out for nearly 8 years of living together. Had not considered the tea, but concede it must now be part of the plan.

    I enjoy the site. Keep up the good work. And wish me luck (with the waves and the girl)!

    From SoCAL,

    AJ

    December 16, 2011
  11. well, back at you AJ – sounds like a plan – and good luck to you both, she’ll need it – we aren’t easy to live with

    December 16, 2011

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