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is there a doctor in the house?

Anyone who has had a South Bondi upbringing will know that dealing with blow-ins, kneeboarders, longboard riders, Coogee kooks, Maroubra pretenders and the English and Brazilian two-bob tourists was a bloodthirsty business … but not so much these days with all this peace love and brotherhood routine that’s infected what was once a sport patronised by sadists, part-time criminals, coppers on the take and lovers of mayhem.

These gents have moved on you see and now they drive Mercedes Sports, marry bottle-blondes, holiday in Thailand and drink mocha de-caffeinated soybean coffee in cafes that infest what was once a blood soaked Promenade where they gripe unendingly about how good things were when the above mentioned unmentionables were considered fair game in the surf.

But every now and then one of these old degenerates has a grandson who proves to be a throwback to the earlier times – not that the old boys notice his natural skills because showing up for an early at 11:00 am on a weekend morning means they’ve missed what at times can be a remarkable demonstration of the old skills.

What was once considered a perfectly acceptable means by which a man could permanently dissuade another from ever surfing his patch again – à la Mickey Dora (below) – has now been satisfactorily upgraded into something not unlike a mass-killing event as some of these younger braves have developed an unerring eye for group carnage in that they have been able to adapt their wave-picking skills to such a degree they leave a trail not unlike a slaughterhouse floor at the end of a day’s killing.

Word had it at that the recipient of da Cat’s board ^ here – Johnny Fain – sold his southern California home the following day and moved to Salem New Jersey where he opened up a taco stand on Booker Street, took to heavy drinking and dyed his hair black Mexican style.

The pic below is not something you’ll see promoted on Australia’s most influential websites and I’ve been told in strict confidence that both Don Norris of Realsurf and Stu Nettle of Swellnet baulked at the asking price of $54.65 for the sole rights. Fortunately we have been able to raise the funds and have purchased the pic from the kernokalling blogspot on very accommodating 360 days terms.

If he’s lucky.

The pic shows young Nigel’s superior technique and timing in that he has maintained a sold stance on his board and an eye on where he’s going while physically urging kook 1 and his longboard into the immediate direction of kook 2 well before kook 1 has had the time to stand up, not only that but kook 2, who for some unbalanced reasoning seems oblivious to the immediate circumstances, will be soon surprised by some serious blood loss and an impending and urgent ambulance ride to St Vincent’s Emergency ward once the Bondi Rescue posers have stopped pissing about in front of the television cameras and got down to business.

I’m told the carnage was severe.

Header pic is of a surfboard that needs burning.

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. David Newell #

    Haha mayhem like the good old days, reminds me of Zulu out of control taking out the entire lineup 😅
    Bondi Forever 🏄‍♀️🏄

    Cheers from Wally the Walker 🤙

    August 15, 2021
  2. I remember the day Zulu almost swallowed a bluebottle … the poor bastard, it didn’t do much for his not so good looks either. Then there was the day Bonzer Bob tried a fins first take off and fluffed it, copped a laceration from his fin in a very personal place … I reckon you, me and Yates were the only ones who never fell off out there.

    August 15, 2021
  3. Sqz #

    Lovin’ yr work! (There’ll be an invoice in the post – once I’ve paid the bloke I lifted it from 😉

    August 15, 2021

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