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wavepools. where it can go wrong.

Wave pools are on the way – this is no surprise and this time we will get the real thing, and only because someone finally took a lot of notice of how a bow wave breaks on a riverbank. So no more Disneyland slop tubs. No more Asian money baths. Mr Kelly Slater will be handling the design and the franchises.

The KS Surf Parks are coming. Breaking twenty-four hours a day every day. Monday is loggers day, Tuesday for the kiddies, Wednesday will be Ladies Day and Thursday the heats of the KS Surf Park Junior Pro….. this caper will be making too much money to count. Starting at the carpark @ $15 per hour. No responsibilities.

He’ll slice and dice us into market/price segments and we’ll be lining up to get into some of these rotating everbreaking everlasting glassy peelers @ $45 per hour, on our specified day. Slobbering for a share of it because surfers have no shame. We never did, and now we have some money.

Everything in these parks will be commercially governed; water temperature, wave speed and wave height, wave frequency. Wave frequency – This means that the if the ten waves spinning around the island are judged insufficient then they can be jacked up to twenty when the office workers start arriving for their late afternoon session. More surfers? … get someone to punch in the more waves option. Mr K Slater has all the numbers figured out. I’m just coming in second-hand guessing here.

Like ramping up the water temperature on logger’s day – just a little to help with their circulation, so they’ll stay out there longer. Everything is a plus dollar here.

Cameras all around the course, high definition kit rolling around the perimeter on rails, right in front of you  – Later on you will be able to buy the  DVD of your rides. Later being on the same day, and on the way out. $150.

Maybe Mr K Slater will do a professional voice over of your rides – like, ‘ Fucken cutback Dude … !!! Just add a spare $50 to the $150 for the DVD.

Twice a day the wave direction will be reversed, what was a right is now a left. Stay in the water for the change over and rent a fifteen minute backwash session for $25. The KS Surf Park Makaha Shorebreak Bounce feature.

Rent a board, hire a towel, buy a nugget of wax, hire a decky to watch everybody go by. Buy a coffee, buy a Subway, buy a hamburger, slide in a few bets at the TAB. Drop the kiddies into day care. Check out the Singles Bar later, an intimate venue overlooking the break. For discerning surfers.


Jukeboxes next to the deck-chairs so your babe, she’s the one scoring a tan while all this is happening, can key in some favourite number while you go around – $5 per each, multiple choices – and this will be amped out at you from the directional speaker attached to the vidcam. So there’s the movie soundtrack sorted (this is how the DVD $200 now becomes $225)

Changing rooms, lockers, memberships, wave park regulations, officials, sirens on the hour, health checks, tickets-to-ride, expiry stickers, loudspeakers, and every wave the same, the same, the same. KS Wave Park T-shirts, caps, hoodies ..

Machinery breakdowns, IT breakdowns, water quality/supply problems, salinity problems – how much salt? How much flotation? How much evaporation? How much chlorine? Site water leakages, Public Liability Insurance, Life guards, towers, whistles, employees, corporate offices, accountants. Taxes, fines, inspections, annual operating licences, onsite ambulance officers, certificates of compliance, safety ratings. Council inspections, health inspections …..

yeah ..

Here’s the spin

header pic lifted from surfer

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. prawn #

    “Man would yield his sovereignty to an immense power . . . one that does not destroy, or even tyrannize, but one that serves to stupefy a people, reducing them to nothing better than a flock of timid and industrious sheep. —Alexis de Tocqueville

    Having said that i will be baa-ing at the gates for at least one go Pete!!
    You can bring the after surf 6 pack ,if they will let you in with an esky and thongs!

    October 10, 2012
    • He’d make a fair Tracks editor that Alexis would. Such a grand view of the world, and us, he had.

      October 10, 2012
  2. davo's liver #

    “BACKGROUND MUSIC” Techno right? You’re missing the MMA training gym but otherwise “spot on”.

    October 10, 2012

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