surfers who work ~ what to wear?
The wearing of proper working apparel is a low keyed but important custom on the site. A loose conformity is the general rule here and the following suggestions may prove to be a helpful guide to the newcomer.
Coverings of any age and in any state of decay are acceptable providing that they originate from either Hawaii or Java and are over five years old. This is basic.
Surf logos are acceptable provided they do not cover more than 1% of the total surface area and have no more than a two-colour array of black and grey.
T shirts may also be worn as bandanas or tied around the neck.
They must never be new, never be washed and NEVER ironed. Women are important, this is agreed, but standards are there to be observed.
Say no to the mother’s iron son, it could be a career decision.
It should also be noted that any Brazilian hoping for a payday on a phony 457 visa and who fronts up at 8.30 am for an early start mixing glue and wearing a Tom Carroll signed edition of a Quicksilver T is probably destined to be buried in the first empty hole he is pushed into.
Nevermind the hysterical clamor from down there, it’s all in Portuguese and there are plenty more from where they come from, more’s the pity.
Shorts must never be light blue or a tight fit. This is a little known variant of sexual discrimination that has yet to be studied at higher levels and probably owes no favours to any living or dead AFL players.
Wanting to look like Warwick Capper* on a building site will not help build a substantial character although it may endear you to the bottom end of the workplace heirarchy, they are the ones with long hair and loose morals.
The wearing of tracksuit bottoms is not objected to on colder days, but the doing so can expose the wearer in the literal sense in that he may have to discard them smartly, and at any time, in order to dispose of objects placed in them by his attendant workmates (lizards of all sizes, hot and unwanted pies, cats, burning embers, cigarettes). It is not helpful in these instances to tuck the trouser legs into the work boots.
Head coverings are usually restricted to the peaked cap style, though some unsuspecting and strongly nonconformist English bricklayers have been known to show up wearing straw hats. These are usually taken from the head of the wearer without notice and used to start fires.
Head hankies are no longer acceptable. Skullcaps may yet have a place on the working site. Judgment awaits the first application. Keffiyehs, burnooses, gutras, pusis and shemaghs will no doubt be a problem for the next generation as will legislating for six prayer breaks a day – plus two smokos and lunch.
Jewellry is forbidden if it does not denote a degenerate lifestyle. Watches are necessary if only to know the tides and footwear is of little consequence, however the wearing of steel capped boots is helpful if a lunchtime game of football precipitates.
Nose and navel rings, and piercings other than in ears are liable to excite dangerous emotions in the minds of some of the workingmen and should not be considered. There are a lot of Jack Nicholsons out there and the Chinatown movie played to many emotions. The temptation to rip a piece of metal from the unresisting flesh of an apprentice may well be impossible to resist – kindly take this as a warning.
* Warwick Capper’s name should never be mentioned in polite company.
And we know where you stand on wearing the birthday suit to work… *wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more*
– in your dreams blasso, I am built like a brick shithouse