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surf reports as they used to be

Out there at north Av picking off the sets. Glassy and calm, about a metre, left and rights and not another local in cooee. South av looked better and there was NO-ONE out. I reckon we need some more tourists up here it’s getting so lonely.

Small and clean – about 2′ – not much guts – should be something small at Av and Palm – and tomorrow it’s been 40 years since a bunch of us watched Farrelly hammer the yanks at Manly ~ Good man that Midget,.. goes to all the right funerals and still won’t have Nat over for dinner .. 


You may have read an optimistic forecast for the surf today in this space yesterday – I have no knowledge of this report and have been informed by reliable sources that it was the work of an illiterate bonehead posing as a forecaster who happens to have the run of my house – nevertheless, and notwithstanding this unfortunate event I can confidently propose that there will be substantial swell from the south east tomorrow..but don’t bank on it.

Bank on it – maybe even late this afternoon – out of the east / south – get organised.

The place to be today is where the photo is on the cover of M Warren’s Atlas of Surfing – conditions just about perfect with about 4’+ of east swell and the wind with just enough south in it and a warm southern corner just starting to bake under the morning sun – I’d love to be able to tell you where it is but I’m no mug and those Mer ** locals don’t muck around.


Bigger this morning @ about 4 foot+ and plenty of sets.. Southern corner of 2107 getting plenty and only one bodyboarder out there, .. then there is a ridiculously tight knit knot at LA trying to take a line right through the 2nd reef… Plenty of traffic on the headland,.. windows up, heaters on…watching.

A note for the couple of thieves working the Avalon carparks, .. can you guys just concentrate on the 4 wheel yuppie-drives please and leave the builders’ utes and rusty family wagons alone .. just be sure no-one is watching with a camera. Like me.


Dear Mr. Tooheys … Young Johnnie is unable to report for work today for a variety of conditions .. in fact his symptons are so widely spread I don’t have paper sufficient enough to list them. His problems may well recede by tomorrow, and if this is the case you may expect him to turn up as usual – we will just have to wait and sea.

Good even lines about 4 foot+ and there isn’t a bank north of Bilgola worth the drive.. Palm is a backbreaker from Kiddies to the Joe, .. Whale was finished as a destination when they filled in the Wedge with a rockpool (I’m owed something for that),.. and Avalon should be mined for rutile its that routinely bad, although that didn’t stop a few desperates looking for lobsters this morning.



A bloke with any hunger would have been out there at dawn this morning – copping the smoother conditions and having 5′ to 6′ sets coming every 10 minutes for himself – then a cold shower behind the club and away to work on a cup of black coffee – that’s what HUNGER is! – me?.. I’ve got all day / out there.

All a bloke wants is to go down to south Av for a bit of a lunchtime session and when he gets there the joint is chockablock with Quicksilver management having a long wet lunch, secretaries included!…. Tom Carroll picked off about eight waves in the eight minutes I watched … the other twenty blokes got to share the leftovers….. I’ll bet the warehouse wasn’t invited.

A little more size this morning but still pretty gentle out there. Very few around for the seven o’clock shift and it won’t get any better by the look of things today… A few shopkeepers in Avalon reckoned that the damage done on Saturday night by the local pissheads was as bad as they had seen it…. The bright side of that situation was that they (the pissheads that is) weren’t out there for the Sunday morning early…..

Classic! – Get thee to the water my son – delayeth thee not – Riseth from thy seat of labour and set thee for the sea with immediacy – Consequences be buggered – goeth forthwith –

Header pic is young Usher by elder Usher – Rockpools.

These reports were written for Realsurf website over twenty years ago. Don Norris the site owner.


this is not Don …







this is ..

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. Mike Holmes #

    Great posts Pete. Very entertaining.

    February 7, 2017
  2. Don gave us a free hand for a while there, but it never worked out for him. I owe the old yank plenty.

    February 27, 2017

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