byron bay, the capital of kooks
Byron Bay has two things, Learn To Surf Schools and kooks. They feed off each other in front of your eyes – and the schools don’t let their lessons get too complicated for those folks who just want to get out at the Pass and assist with the carnage. Their lessons start in the water, which is far too late, the view here is that they should start on the land, in front of the top pub as a matter of fact.
The pub has a little smoker’s balcony that looks over Jonson Street; Jonson Street is kook central, they (kooks) infest this dingy commercial walkway in their shambling hundreds. This is where the surf school administration should set up their teaching pulpit, plus the pub sells beer. There is much to like about the venue.
Because first we have to teach these poor bastards (kooks) how to behave in public, and THEN they get to paddle into the surf. How hard is it to get first things first. Another thing, all the instructors up there on the balcony sucking into schooners, they’re Queenslanders, and are armed.
Lugers, something German – plenty of them in the Jonson crowds.
This bloke with shoulders like an arrowroot biscuit, he stops in the middle of the footpath to chat with another bloke and swings his board around so nobody gets to walk past anymore. Between the fucken eyes my son. Next.
About every thirty seconds, coming down from the beach we see kooks in wetsuits carrying boards back to hire shops, still wet kooks; all nationalities except Australian – this stuff isn’t in our genes. That’s why the boys with rifles shooting kooks and drinking schooners on the verandah are what we are here, Australians.
And how much help does a kook need before he knows that it’s good idea to bring a towel and a pair of duds to the beach. These ones get popped off like rabbits. Everybody on the verandah gets a score there.
Sometimes a good day is a five-kombie day, this is like shooting hippos. The stoner at the wheel, his hat, the rolling paintwork, the smoke coming out of the engine cover – they groan up Jonson like Bombay death wagons heading to a burning. They also take plenty of ammo.
This is how you teach surfing, first instil the values into a kook and second, tell him to go and steal waves off his mates.
pic lifted from surfline