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kids are never kooks

Who doesn’t like to see a kid in the surf?

Sometimes you go to the beach on a Sunday, by mistake, and you are overrun by the thousands of noisy little termites doing their Sunday Nippers. This is where the kids spend about an hour being shepherded in and out of baby waves at the sheltered end of the beach by their parents, uncles and granddad.

Everyone on the beach over fifteen has a whistle and there are enough flags stuck into the sand to run an Olympic trial. Try taking a pic of your grandson pushing some four-year old sheila out of the way to grab a flag and every copper in creation is on your neck for being a perv.

Relatives roam everywhere, the carpark is the fuck full at 7.30 am by cars from the other side of town and all of a sudden teaching kids how not to drown in the shorebreak is a community festival. Women bring chairs, they sit and watch and drink coffee, in clutches. The old men group up by the shed doors and talk about how good balsa was in 1815, and this here is the peer group. That’s how long it’s been since some of them caught a wave.

Somebody has taken some bad advice, this is not an authorised learning curve for anyone who wants to get stuck into the surf.

Shore breaks are built for kids, big meaty thundering numbers that suck back about two feet of sand before they re-gather strength and smash them (the kids) flat, then it picks them up and barrels them over the falls for a choice neck-brace headstand in about three inches of water. Then, as they are rolling over and over in the receding white-water with a nose-full of seawater and a mouthful of sand, another shore dump nails them, thoroughly.

Dad’s sitting up the beach a way off watching, not the kids though, he’s watching the outside waves that he should be on right now. This is why the punishment on junior is left to be so severe, the sooner the poor little bastard hardens up the sooner his old man can get off duty and get back out there.

This is how it’s done.

And when these babies get too old for the kiddie shorebreak carnage, or heal; whatever comes first, they’ll raid every garage the’re allowed into and drag anything that floats to the beach and push it into the waves. This is progression in the surf, now we have kids in dangerous waves with dangerous things.

This is how it’s done. Somebody take note.

pic lifted from daily telegraph

5 Comments Post a comment
  1. Ben #

    Never a truer word.

    April 7, 2013
  2. I’m on a roll here benbaby, next is how can a gay surfer be a natural, thought provoking or what?

    April 7, 2013
  3. As tiny tots we rode the waves on my father’s back, after that it was benign neglect. Enjoying your roll with this one Pete!

    April 7, 2013
  4. Ben #

    Pete, you are the thinking surfers answer to Oscar Wilde and Germaine Greer.

    You have been surprisingly quiet though on the subject of the progression of the transgender surfer’s cut back.

    April 8, 2013
  5. They’re never kooks…. we just call ’em skillet lickers. or sometimes when appropriate they go by mullet stompers.

    April 8, 2013

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