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surfers sinus and premature ejaculation.

Bodily discharges are, generally speaking, personal events that are best kept private. We are dealing with waste here.

The body has a couple of exit points for its unwanted organic matter. Eyes ears and nose. Mouth, plus Dick* and the Khyber. The two tenants one floor down, one front and one back.

This however is about the nose and its associated features. This is also about Ron, who has just spent a busy morning out at the Bower and is now one minute away from the appointed time of his interview with Ms. Tracy-Lee Staccato. 25th floor. Morgan Consulting. Sydney. Lots of snappy wardrobe up here.

The job pays $135,000 plus super, and Ms. Staccato {pictured} is to be impressed. She is a typical hard-headed recruiter with years in the trade, plus she is a little easy on the eye. Our man is ready for this. Ron is ready to go.

Ron also has the full mogul clobber on. Suit shirt and tie. He has borrowed his brother’s expensive soft leather briefcase for the day, somewhere to put the CV. He’s also bought a copy of the Financial Review for the first time in his life. This is prominent by his side. His iphone is on mute. His socks match –  so everything is ready. Tracy-Lee is in for some prime interview time here. This babe is going to bombed.

The only item that Ron has overlooked however is a little pocket-pack of tissues. A man can’t think of everything. And as a matter of fact now that Tracy-Lee has just come into the room and is settled into her seat, Ron is having a hard time trying not to look cross-eyed. He’s suddenly having a serious focus problem, like where to.

Sinus pressure does that to a man.

With surfer’s sinus the key to delaying a rush of sea-water coming from the nose is not to look down. This is crucial. Nothing below the horizontal. This is also impossible for Ron as his chair is higher than Tracy-Lee’s couch and there is much to engage the eye. Ron’s eye, and can you blame him. {pause here}

~ ^~

… now where were we ..

Another method of sinus-control is to discipline the breathing. In through the nose and out of the mouth, nice and steady. No panting or heavy breathing.

Rons’ problems are that the instant his eyes come off the horizontal his sinus kicks in with its immediate intentions. This is almost like a premature ejaculation.

There is only one solution for Ron as the pressure for release becomes too great to resist. It has to go somewhere!

He turns around and dives for the case, his brother’s Hunt Leather number. The soft and expensive one with his CV inside, the one he was going to hand over to Tracy-Lee during the interview, the interview that has just ended. Prematurely.

The CV that she will never want to see.

‘ Nice to meet you then Ron, ‘ she says, uncomfortably, ‘ I hope that you get better soon.’

* the ladies can deal with the ladies

© peter bowes 2012

5 Comments Post a comment
  1. Vapid and ridiculous beyond redemption.

    And we don’t have to look far to see why. The cause of this terrible affront to everything which reasonable people hold dear is right there in the pic next to Ms. Catalina. You can’t avoid seeing the problem. You can’t just go, “Oh there’s a single pane window, dumb architect, hahah!” It doesn’t help. It’s like spitting on a forest fire. The sheer wrongness of this picture overwhelms any attempt to marginalize it through ridicule. No matter what you can pick out and laugh at, you still know very clearly that this shit is all fucking wrong, and laughing at the inefficiency of the window doesn’t change that one tiny bit.

    So look upon it, all of you. This is the ever-present festering evil that lurks beneath the witty banter and humorous repartee Mr. Bowes’ so kindly, and free of charge, entertains us with. We can laugh and laugh at the monstrosity we see next to Ms. Cataline, but we must never forget the direness of what’s really happening out there in the world.

    Here is our much-needed perspective.

    November 21, 2012
  2. davo's liver #

    Window? What window?

    November 21, 2012
  3. Very good contribution, I think that premature ejaculation is not a disease, and is not permantente, but is the result of a mood or psychological, and can be treated without medication and solve in a short time.

    December 19, 2012
  4. Roberto is one of those compadres who takes premito ejaculatorious muchos seriouso – for this we say muy obrigado, bien hombre.

    December 19, 2012
  5. Shane Fisher #

    Come on guys

    In Precipio erat verbum

    In the beginning was the word

    And the word was the Beatles

    The seventys man

    Get back

    May 28, 2014

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