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things that only a surfer knows – the cremasteric muscle

Life can indeed be a cruel and vindictive mistress.


Men do stupid things, this a well warranted fact. Men walk the strange roads and wet themselves unnecessarily in cold waters. Women, on the other hand, wait with an imperceptible weariness as they witness these vagaries of the male nature.

Stay with me as we interpret this < – – – look. The lady here is two things, half-naked and wholly unhappy.

You were in the shower, her shower, and by invitation. Twenty minutes ago you arrived at her door cold and shivering and an hour late for dinner. Been surfing. Late winter. Everything frozen. Warm up in the shower she said, get the blood moving before dinner she said.

Right then. Right!

Everything happened so quickly.

A man has a certain routine in the shower, particularly when a lot of his bits need re-heating, like fingers and toes and the other more personal paraphernalia. He likes to stand there in a semi-trance with the hot water beating down on his his back for a little while – eyes closed – breathing deeply – getting through the paresthesia. This is the surfer’s way. The slow transition to warm-blooded normality.

Then the bathroom light dimmed, and a certain perfume wafted through the steam as a pale body presented itself at the shower door. Which opened and closed. Company.

Now at the risk of being totally indelicate we must refer to the Kinsey Report  ‘ The Sexual Behaviour in the Human Female ‘ where he surmised that there was little difference between what a woman grabbed and what a man took hold of in moments of hot-blooded arousal excitement emotional states. That is to say, little difference in the destination of the action. His or hers.

What Kinsey failed to analyse though was a woman’s reaction when the appendage thing schwartz jimmy item of her immediate attention felt not to be there – nothing, gone. Missing in action. AWOL. Not on roll-call. Out of town. Missed the bus.

Now you can better understand that look ^ up there. She has only the one question this time.

Where is it?

Cold contracts things you say, even hardened steel contracts when exposed to lower temperatures. It’s an atom and molecule thing. They don’t whizz about so quickly (you’re hurting here, better get onto the specifics). 

So you mention the cremasteric muscle and it’s governing nature when the testes etc are subjected to low temperatures, how everything gets drawn up into the lower abdomen.

Clothes are back on now.

You go on to say that the effect of the cold can last quite some time.

She’s walking you to the front door now.

Sometimes the pubic hairs have to cut away they are netted up so tight.

She’s opened the door now.

– but everything will be alright in the end.

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One Comment Post a comment
  1. Damn you cremasteric muscle!! Why couldn’t she let you have a longer shower!!!

    December 16, 2011

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