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Mr. K. Slater, bare-arsed and unashamed.

Yes he’s nude. and yes it’s Mr. K. Slater

< ~ ~ ~ This gentleman has won 10 11 surfing world titles, he has an an impeccable reputation – once we dismiss the Baywatch fiasco – and he is by reputation a kind and undemanding fellow, out of the water.

In the water he is an assassin. His power and cunning are feared and imitated, his paddling prowess is unequaled, he has no fear. He also has no calves.

Men, such as the celebrated Mr. K. Slater, have a documented anti-cerebral condition that only manifests itself when they examine their own image. They suffer a severe forshortening of vision, they never look down.

Chicks dig calves. Read the magazines, the ladies like a little chunk in the walking department and the champ, ^ – – up there, is negative in this respect.

His condition may be the result of (1) hereditary sensory and automatic neuropathy or (2) he has stork legs and doesn’t know it. We blame gymnasium management, we hold that anything that involves a little work below the knee is not an earner for the gym proprieters. Thighs, arse, waist, abs, chest, shoulders, neck, biceps etc, forearms, wrists – they all get attention, they get all the attention and here is the problem. When was the last time you checked out your calves in the middle of a gym routine?

Doesn’t happen, the mirrors don’t go that low.

All those buff dudes jacking up their beef to snoop dog boof and gazing into mirrors – and this ^ is what you get, skinny legs and a big arse .

– How Mr. K. Slater was convinced to run bare-arsed across the seventeenth green of the Royal Hawaiian Golf Course is beyond our comprehension, maybe his publicist felt he lacked a bit of the animal – seriously Kel, you look like you are running away from something frightening.

Like these chaps.

The Jarawa, Andaman islands.

C’mon over bro. We’ll have ye running.

9 Comments Post a comment
  1. God – not good before breakfast

    October 15, 2011
  2. raS #

    Oh that heel strike is so passe. slates obviously isn’t a barefoot runner. calves and form are proof. can’t be good at everything I guess.

    October 15, 2011
  3. precisley raS – however there is that old saying that is relevant here – first you go in the legs, then the heart – will mr.k. slater be out there aged 65?

    – not by the look of the lower legs

    October 16, 2011
  4. Chicks dig calves, I can vouch for this.

    October 17, 2011
  5. you wanna come up and see mine ?

    October 17, 2011
  6. I guess that’s a no then ..? It has been 7 months.

    May 12, 2012
  7. Peter McClelland #

    Jesus Pete, I had you pegged as an optimist.

    Ever since I stumbled on your witty musings I haven’t had so much fun (at work) for a long, long time.

    I’d love to finish with one of those Jungle Jim/Rin Tin Tin moments… you know, everyone standing around having a good chuckle at the chimp/dog?

    Not quite sure how to do that on the page? Clive James would know.

    Serfdom calls… no, not that one.

    October 1, 2013
  8. google thug kitchen, he gives fucken chuckles too
    http://thugkitchen.com/

    October 1, 2013
  9. Roger #

    Testify. We all know that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models (who chose that aging putz as their most sexiest male athlete) are robots, not chicks. Though I do gotta say, if a girl said something admiring about my calves, I’d guess she didn’t go much on sensuality, or sex… or the rest of me body. But, yeah, Kelly’s got nothing on British hikers.

    January 7, 2014

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