Yes he’s nude. and yes it’s Mr. K. Slater

< ~ ~ ~ This gentleman has won 10 11 surfing world titles, he has an an impeccable reputation – once we dismiss the Baywatch fiasco – and he is by reputation a kind and undemanding fellow, out of the water.

In the water he is an assassin. His power and cunning are feared and imitated, his paddling prowess is unequaled, he has no fear. He also has no calves.

Men, such as the celebrated Mr. K. Slater, have a documented anti-cerebral condition that only manifests itself when they examine their own image. They suffer a severe forshortening of vision, they never look down.

Chicks dig calves. Read the magazines, the ladies like a little chunk in the walking department and the champ, ^ – – up there, is negative in this respect.

His condition may be the result of (1) hereditary sensory and automatic neuropathy or (2) he has stork legs and doesn’t know it. We blame gymnasium management, we hold that anything that involves a little work below the knee is not an earner for the gym proprieters. Thighs, arse, waist, abs, chest, shoulders, neck, biceps etc, forearms, wrists – they all get attention, they get all the attention and here is the problem. When was the last time you checked out your calves in the middle of a gym routine?

Doesn’t happen, the mirrors don’t go that low.

All those buff dudes jacking up their beef to snoop dog boof and gazing into mirrors – and this ^ is what you get, skinny legs and a big arse .

– How Mr. K. Slater was convinced to run bare-arsed across the seventeenth green of the Royal Hawaiian Golf Course is beyond our comprehension, maybe his publicist felt he lacked a bit of the animal – seriously Kel, you look like you are running away from something frightening.

Like these chaps.

The Jarawa, Andaman islands.

C’mon over bro. We’ll have ye running.