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ballet and surfing 3 – wrapping it up

There is an unfortunate misconception about that ballet and surfing are mutually incompatible – totally unsuited to be paired in any context. On the one hand we have a glorified troupe of over-muscled ego driven beautiful young men whose lives are spent basking under the adoring stares of their insatiable followers – and then we have the ballet dancers.

Our intention here is to demonstrate the close ties that bind both rigours – their similar styles, fashions, appearance, dress and of course, philosophy.

Observe the chappie below, Monsieur de Ballet, in vast repose.

In reality we know that this fellow is probably the Lord of The Dance but he could be any pro surfer after a torrid heat. Let’s run it down; the guy is tanned, he has bleached hair, blown back hair in fact and he is seriously barrel-chested. Plus the pose, the poise –

We have the wetsuit bottom and the white booties. The guy is obviously a serious narcissist, and a winner.

We also have the mocking thumbs UP, no doubt directed at both the judges and the sap he’s just thrashed pointless. He is aware of his dominance, yet there is humility in his relaxed demeanour despite the nutcracker thigh configuration. This is what champs are all about though, pain barriers are to be busted down – Parko we will deal with later in the article.

This is quality front cover surfing mag material – photo-shop in a tube-shooter there somewhere, place a couple of modest corporate logos down a side panel, insert a couple of babes with the champagne bottles and watch the mags move off the shelves.


Observe chappie 2 – Franklin de Bro.

Imagine this bloke coming out of a smoking Backdoor grinder – both hands up in the barrel wall, the reef only inches deep, every Hawaiian on the Island hanging off the lip watching him – cameras chattering like high-heels on parquet flooring (I’m firing here, so leave it will you ..) no leg rope, no logos. He could give Rasta a run for non-conformist of the year.

This competitor has a deep and unforgiving attitude, and how many guys have you seen out there in the serious stuff with an ax wound from forehead to his nose? The guy’s head is almost cleaved open – (hairdo is it? .. Rhonda .. !?) How’s the look though, the full flinto, this guy doesn’t just carve it up, he carves through ..

< – – – This is a saleable look here, all he need do is lose the furry pants and spend a little more time in the sun, maybe a little less mascara ..

Remember that pathetic little fin-chop Parkinson was bleating about last year .. ?  Someone must have a pic of that scratch in the file somewhere. Anyone else would have bunged a little toilet paper inside the cut and got back out there instead of doing the ambulance / hospital / stitches / tetanus / recovery routine.


< – – – – here’s a pic of whatsisname’s little tear .. 

“This shits on anything I’ve done to myself in my whole life; my ankle injury, my knee, medial ligaments, this shits on it for pain and sheer gruesomeness,” Parko said of the fin chop to his heel, which put him out of J-Bay.

The same injury which caused the doctor to “lose count” of how many stitches were required to sew it up.

Speaking about the wave, Parko said: “I knew it was going to be a rad drop and that I was going to be a little bit too deep. But it was such a drainpipe that I was like, ‘I’ve just got to have a go at this!’”

Two words champ ‘ ax wound. ‘

Harden the fuck up sport .. ..


Final chap – Rodger from Budapest.

How many times have we bemoaned the fact that everybody does the same thing on the wave – over and over again. Bottom turns, cutbacks, reos, slashes, backhand airfips, forehand airflips, roundhouses, 180’s, 360’s, stalls, laybacks etc etc etc – A tiresome litany of tired manoeuvres – not a lot of invention lately. But have we ever considered what’s coming out of Hungary .. ?  Well somebody has, and here we have it.

Rodger has got the move down. The new move. He’s had another look at the cheater five, swung his leg up and over 50 degrees and come up with ..

– – – – The Toe Drag

Could you see Abberton doing this out at Solander .. ? Well punk, could YA .. ? Well Rodger could. They’ve been in touch. Rod and the Bra bro.

Eight foot of pure slabbing nighmare concaved to buggery wedgery – and here’s young Kobester down on one knee with his other foot dragging in the wall – some artistry eh? This is a solidly utilitarian move as well, with both hands free he could scratch himself whenever he needed to, or give the finger to the likes of us. Yo.

continued from here

.. Well, that’s it .. gimme a minute and we’ll come up with something completely different .. and thanks for dropping by.  Apologies to those who do not readily understand the surfing references –

Backdoor – Hawaiian surf break

Parkinson ‘ Parko ‘ – Australian surfing professional

Rasta – David Rastovich – American surfer

J-Bay – South African surf break

Cheater five – a surfing manoeuvre where the foot is stretched so the toes are on the tip

Solander – Australian surfing break

Eight foot of pure slabbing nighmare concaved to buggery wedgery  – a breaking wave

Abberton ‘ Kobester ‘ – Colourful Australian surfing identity

Bra bro – Brothers from maroubra

10 Comments Post a comment
  1. Because I know so little about it (i.e. nothing at all), all this surfing stuff fascinates me. I was really interested in the explanations at the end – there must be loads of surfing references like that? Excuse my naive question, but do women surf much? Is it a male dominated thing?

    Your – um – analysis of Parko’s ‘little tear’ made me laugh.

    August 7, 2011
    • Women don’t surf BH, especially Rebecca Olive, she has trouble staying afloat in the bath – asamatteroffact there is a council by-law up here in Byron that forbids women from testing the waters under any guise – and quite rightly –

      .. .. heh heh heh

      August 7, 2011
      • I just googled ‘women surfers’…

        You are incorrigible. 🙂

        August 7, 2011
      • He’s right, I can have to leave the door open when I bathe. It’s slightly awkward for my flatmates, but safety first, right!

        But, honestly, your question kind of shocked me – do women surf much? I realise pete’s stories aren’t exactly filled with women in the water – they’re a bit more about the boys I suppose – but yes, women surf. A lot.

        So pete, I put it to you that perhaps you need to broaden Becoming Herself’s surfing education and imagination by including some of the women you have surfed with over the years (and I know you have) in your stories!

        Come one now….

        August 9, 2011
    • Karen #

      Dear Becoming,

      To answer your questions:
      Yes, there are.
      Yes, they do.
      Yes, it is. (Except over here at Pete’s place where chicks rule. Ain’t that right, Bec, Jo?)

      (Pete, stop shaking your incorrigible head.)

      August 13, 2011
      • my mother said, please the ladies – rule the world ..

        August 13, 2011
  2. My apologies – Rebecca, meet BH, .. BH, meet Rebecca

    August 7, 2011
  3. Such great pictures, comparissons, hot surfer men/dancer men. I love your style.

    August 9, 2011
    • In reality aimeeval, surfers are usually broke, out of work, unwashed, uneducated, unshaven, unwanted, unloved and have a bag full of bad habits – – well that was the 60’s, they’re all probably car salesmen now, or company directors.

      August 9, 2011

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