revenge
Five months ago I sold my five acres of verdant Byron Bay hinterland farmland to a Real Estate Agent through the professional services of a Real Estate Agent. Plus I used a lawyer to do the legals.
You want to know what a 10% Deposit Bond is? It’s an undertaking for the buyer to pay the deposit if the deal doesn’t go through but being a non-cash transaction the seller, being me, I get no interest while I’m waiting. Deposit Bonds don’t do that.
Two days ago I banked the money. Five months I waited for settlement. Do the sums.
Hence this response,
What is normal up there where I used to live is that when someone buys your property you leave them a little note on what to expect … it’s a courtesy, Byron may not be love-city these days but the hills have their own traditions.
An envelope on the kitchen table, inside a short note for the buyer as to what to expect …
My dear ###, it reads ..
You may expect dead echidnas in the pool, diseased rabbits dying under the verandah floor-boards, voracious bush rats, a large child-eating wild cat named Ginger groaning hungrily outside your bedroom window, roaming packs of wolf-sized wild dogs, broods of attacking magpies, carpet pythons in the flowerbed, a fifteen-foot python living in the pool pumphouse – some care needed there, a mess of horribly scattering mice running over all the floors in all the rooms every night, lizards, darting lizards chasing the scattering mice, carpet snakes chasing the darting lizards which have ingested the scattering mice, deadly brown snakes, deadly black snakes, fence-jumping long-toothed wallabies, noisy cicadas, large brown buzzing Christmas beetles, wall-climbing wolf spiders (check the bedroom on this nightly), incontinent micro-bats, ants – millions of ants, bull-ants nests, water-spiders with an eye to invading human orifices so best check the pool before entering and everything else when exiting, attack possums, decayed tadpoles in the water tank, frogs – slippery little buggers waiting for the heavy nighttime footstep to squash them into the kitchen tiles, cane toads, Ross river mosquitoes, flies, grass ticks, paralysis ticks, dragon flies, March flies, horse flies …
Not to mention the local lads someone close by has been supplying with high-grade hooch for the last ten years and who have been led to expect you will do the same.
You’ll know them by the late night rumble of their Harley Davidsons. Best not to ignore.
Enjoy …
and good bye.
petebowes.com 
Love it!
I forgot the flocks of galahs who regularly settle on the wooden verandah rails and tear them apart looking for grubs.
Just as well you sold before you left the note. Sounds like paradise. Merry Christmas o wealthy one. 👍💜☮️
Knowing a brown snake has slid into your house through an open door is bad … not knowing what room it’s in is worse.
Thanks Lozza, and back at ya.