How it was in the Realsurf days …

You may have read an optimistic forecast for the surf today in this space yesterday – I have no knowledge of this report and have been informed by reliable sources that it was the work of an illiterate bonehead posing as a forecaster who happens to have the run of my house – Nevertheless, and notwithstanding this unfortunate event, I can confidently propose that there will be substantial swell from the south east tomorrow..but don’t bank on it right away/ Larry June ’94

Small and clean – about 2′ – not much gutz – should be something small at Av and Palm – and tomorrow it’s been 40 years since a bunch of us watched Farrelly hammer the yanks at Manly ~ Good man that Midget,.. goes to all the right funerals and still won’t have Nat over for dinner,..  / Larry / June 2004

The place to be today is where the photo is on the cover of M Warren’s re-issued Atlas of surfing – conditions just about perfect with about 4’+ of east swell and the wind with just enough south in it and a warm southern corner just starting to bake under the morning sun – I’d love to be able to tell you where it is but I’m no mug and those Bawley locals don’t muck around any more / Larry / June 2004

Dear Mr. Toohey… Young Johnnie is unable to report for work today for a variety of conditions,..in fact his symptons are so widely spread I don’t have paper sufficient enough to list them…..His problems may well recede by tomorrow, and if this is the case you may expect him to turn up as usual – we will just have to wait and sea / larry / 2004

8.30am. Two boards and two boogers out, far out at north av riding monsters. On guy has had the lip snap his board while he was trying to get to the bottom of a windswept beast. I spoke to him on the beach and he reckoned the swim in was ‘scary’. Another guy almost lost it when he was swept along the rockshelf after hesitating his jumpoff, he just managed to grab a handhold before going down the plughole. Thirty watchers in the carpark. Every half hour a set from hell sweeps through. / Larry / 1999

avalon by simon hayward

A bloke with any hunger would have been out there at dawn this morning – copping the smoother conditions and having 5′ to 6′ sets coming every 10 minutes for himself – then a cold shower behind the old club and away to work on a cup of black coffee – that’s what HUNGER is! – Me?.. I’ve got all day / out there / lazza / 1999

Classic! – Get thee to the water my son – delayeth thee not – Riseth from thy seat of labour and set thee to the sea with immediacy – Consequence be buggered – goeth forthwith – Larry / 2004

pic lifted from tracks mag

The caper is tonight for all you blokes to go out early and get totally maggotted so’s tomorrow morning the few of us who don’t give a stuff about ‘ New year ‘ can get a wave in relative peace and quiet – and with a little luck those lovely young men holidaying in Palm beach from Oxford street will take their Barrenjoey sand dune sex habits back to the bedroom – roll back the 60’s someone willya! .. lazzer

(Report filed Friday, December 31, 2004 at 08:53:14 AEST)

There I was before dawn this morning, hard at it as usual when the woman with the long dark hair slipped down beside me and asked if she might take over – I didn’t hesitate, and sat back and watched as she reached down, and with her strong hands and a languorous rhythym she completely covered the deck of my 9’6″ Dooley with an even coat of Mrs Palmers soft coat – Smaller, glassy,needs low-tide (this is for you Roy) / Lazzer

Bigger! Still a little bumpy – bounteous opportunities though for the not so trepidatory – bit on the chipper side though –

Want a job on the beach up the Goldie rubbing rubbing oil onto the young women who don’t want to get sunburn? .. Well I hear that Al the Suntan Man has checked out after 30 years on the job..

Nicely done, Al 2004

So what’s a bloke to do when the wind is tediously onshore for yet another day – here he is, awake again well before dawn as usual with nothing but time on his hands and the lovely little lady slumbering peacefully just a foot away ~ and being a fair dinkum red-blooded kind of fella there’s really only one thing that will ever be a substitute for the dawny – A spot of early morning sax ~ A little Wayne Shorter down low and easy ~ just the ticket.

Good even lines about 4 foot+ and there isn’t a bank north of Bilgola worth the drive.. Palm is a backbreaker from Kiddies to the Joe, .. Whale was finished as a destination when they filled in the Wedge with a rockpool (I’m owed something for that),.. and Avalon should be mined for rutile its that bad, although that didn’t stop the desperates looking for lobsters this morning.

the joey