That’ll be the phone
The phone rings ….
‘Hullo?’
‘Your NBN is about to be cut off in the next 24 hours. Please select number 1 on your phone and you will be put in touch with a senior supervisor.’
then …
Hullo?’
‘Yes sir, you are about to be cut off from your NBN unless you …..’
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, you are about to …….’
‘Hullo?’
{click}
One down.
~~
The phone rings ….
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, this is the Australian Border Force. We have received a parcel addressed to you which contains illegal materials. Please press 1 to talk to one of our Commanders.’
then …
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir we have a parcel with your name and address and we wish to ……’
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, you must act with haste as we are about to …’
‘Hullo?’
{click}
Two down.
~~
The phone rings ….
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, your new Apple iPhone ordered through Amazon is ready to be shipped. Please press 1 for further instructions.’
then ….
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, you will need to pay $799 to effect immediate delivery of your … “
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, your new iPhone is being packaged for deliver ….’
‘Hullo?’
{click}
Three down
~~
The phone rings …
‘Hullo?’
‘This is Australia Post. We have a parcel for you we are unable to deliver. Please press 1 to speak to a senior supervisor.’
then ..
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, we will need a three dollar fee to effect immediate delivery of your parc …’
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, we can only hold your parcel for 24 hou …
‘Hullo?’
{click}
Four down
~~
The phone rings …
‘Hullo?’
This is the Australian Tax Office. You need to speak to us urgently about an outstanding tax matter that, if not paid immediately, will mean you will be faced with imprisonment. Please press 1 to speak to our senior investigator.’
‘then …
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, we need an immediate payment of …
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, we are about to visit your premises if you don’t ..
‘Hullo?’
{click}
Five down.
~~
The phone rings …
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, we have to inform you that your internet address is in the public domain and needs to be changed urgently. Please press 1 to speak to our head technician.’
then …
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, we need you to open up your computer and change your domain from public to private as a hacker may access your files.’
‘Hullo?’
‘If you will allow me to log on to your site remotely I can assist you in safeguarding your files.’
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, what is your Ip address ….’
‘Hullo?’
{click}
Six down
~~
The phone rings …
‘Hullo?’
‘Sir, this is the World Surf League and we have decided to include you in the pantheon of the world’s greatest surfers.’
‘Hullo?’
‘There will be a small fee, unfortunately.’
‘How much?’
‘$3,500, payable immediately.
‘No problems, mate, where do I send it?’
.
.
.
The phone rings.
‘Hullo?’
‘It’s me.’
‘Who?’
‘Me, the bloke you just talked to.’
‘Oh yeah. What?’
‘Howabout a pic to go with the rating?’
{click}
petebowes.com 
Yeah … that last bloke was me, Pete. I’m still waiting for the $3,500 …
Give us your bank details, Johnno, and I’ll make sure of it. Trust me.
I had one, I abused him no end. But he kept up, so I sent him my screenplay. He seemed like a nice guy.