surfing archetypes – the banker / lawyer / accountant businessman bastard.
There is so much to choose from in this category. But first we must examine why this particular bastard is in fact an archetypical bastard. This may well be brutal reading for some and we caution that feelings may be inflamed by the following ill-informed opinions, not to mention the hasty research. Nevertheless we must continue with this, the inner truth.
This is about Richard. Big Business Richard.
Richard surfs every day at Bondi, every day without fail. Richard is singular like that and that’s the reason he’s got the full view of the yard here and all the big windows. Richard is so driven he’s professionally successful, and that’s why he surfs. That’s why he goes to Bali every year, and the Mauritius. Richard has it all laid out flat. Even Uge takes his pic once a month here at Aquabumps.
Asamatteroffact someone might suggest to Mr. Tan that he exercise a little more restraint in picking his subjects – he’s not helping with the program here. Word is that he’s a bodysurfer, Tan.
Say no more.
There was a time when surfers were a little on the under-educated side, all those days away from school pursuing surfing obligations. They were also lacking the necessary social attributes of the times; they grew hair unrestrained and walked barefoot through every door. They stowed away on Hawaii bound passenger liners and when there immediately started dropping in on the locals. Somebody ring up Bob McTavish and see if he remembers. Good old Whitewater Bob, one of the earlier nuggets.
Now we have the Richards. These archetypical bastards realised long ago that the slovenly and out of control rabble who infested the better ends of the beaches and the more superior of the available breaks needed to be swept away. Replaced.
The Richards have learnt their lessons very well you see, they have seen the mainland Chinese dispossess the deeply spiritual Tibetan population with Mandarin speaking shopkeepers open 24 hours a day 7 days a week. They have watched the Indonesians do the same with the thousands of indigenous tribes who have long occupied fertile riverlands and ancient forests. No more head-hunting up there, no more cannibalism – all the great and sensitive cultures swept away.
Every wave a Richard takes belongs to someone else. We must drum this mantra into our youth.
How can a fellow such as Dickie ^ ever cultivate the attitude necessary to be a surfer .. ? How can a successful professional with the requisite knowledge to be able to read a Balance Sheet, understand financial derivatives, evaluate collateralised debt obligations, use ‘ leverage ‘ in a sentence, carry a Blackberry to the gym and wear a suit every day ever hope to compete in the surf with a typical low-life bludger with no money and no prospects.
Force of numbers, that’s how. Armies of these phoney surfing postulants now infest our beaches with fearless impunity, breeding amongst themselves like adulterous cane-toads. They are underfoot, they are under our beds and worse of all they are out the back.
< Dora was right, when you see one, eliminate him.
Bring back the surfer .. !!