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taking a girl surfing ~ the manual ~ (3) how it all ends

continued from here

The Haven, pic by Widemus

Scenario 1

Room 614. Sixth floor, room 14. Terrigal Crowne Plaza.

9.30 am.

Day 1.

You turned right at Gosford. You slipped down the winding road to Terrigal and booked the top suite at the Crowne Plaza. You sacrificed the hot pies at Kempsey for two room service pizzas that remain uneaten on the table in the other room. There are clothes all over the floor and the beautiful Wendy is just an indefinable and fragrant lump in the bed next to you.

– and beyond the hiss of the air-conditioning you can hear the faint rumble of waves rounding the point, the Haven. There is hope. You stir, she awakes, reaches over, you stir some more … things happen.

Wendy?  pic by decouverte de lories

Scenario 2

6.30 am and the entire road transport population of the east coast of New South Wales is reporting the vision of a beautiful woman trying for a road-ride south at the Kempsey turn-off, just past the pie shop. She has luggage.

bedroom, pic by Luke H

Scenario 3

Sure, said Steve Shearer, my home is yours and as a matter of fact the upstairs bedroom is free so help yourself. You two can stay as long as you want.

In summary:

If ever an attractive young woman leans over the bar and looks longingly into your eyes, and breathes a husky wish to accompany you on your next trip to the north you should think more than twice – You are just another available body in her eyes, and an easy means of a weekend’s pleasure. Protect yourself from these insatiable beauties, there will never be any more than a temporary satisfaction in conceding to their demands.

Remember the ancient dictum: Once with a woman, twenty times with a wave – Know your pleasure(s).

21 Comments Post a comment
  1. Well done Peebs! Exemplar work.

    Thankfully, I am married and have several small children. So my choices are much more limited than this. Really, it just boils down to two simple things for a lucky lad like me: firstly, I am fucked. Secondly, I get to hear my friends tell me how badly said “fucking” really is. Wheee!

    Seriously though… a big fist-pump to you, boss. Fun read.

    March 31, 2011
  2. Thank you rotto – the offers are coming in very quickly, a mini-series with Kate Moss as Wendy and Pierce Brosnan as the chappie – might need a little padding but I’m sure we can put together about 20 episodes – They say a cheque is in the mail.

    March 31, 2011
  3. joe green #

    just found the blog GREAT STUFF.took a chick to the beach today.wife

    April 1, 2011
  4. joe green!
    where you been?

    months have past
    since you’ve been seen ……

    howabout that eh, we do pomes as well
    pete

    April 1, 2011
  5. Karen #

    Hey Pete,
    I made the mistake of reading this story backwards, so only found out at the end that it is set (or inspired by events) from ’62. I don’t think much has changed though – what was true then is still true now – you gotta pick the right girl to take surfing. But if she has to sleep in a board bag, that leaves pretty slim pickings. Still love your work, if not your idea of accomodation. K

    April 2, 2011
  6. Backwards … after every para was tagged 1 and 2 and 3 …

    April 2, 2011
  7. Karen #

    Well Pete, that just goes to show how excited i was to start reading. And numbers were never my strong point.

    April 3, 2011
  8. Steve Shearer #

    well the wood/board/spider shed is always open for young lovers.

    And according to new changes in the NSW tenancy laws I don’t even have to ask the landlord.

    Reminds me of a story when i was living in a caravan in a bush commune in Broken head……I had a pet huntsman about the size of a dinner plate and bought a young lass home there one night….

    said spider had taken up residence on my pillow…..I tried to scoop the offending beast up and shovel it into a cupboard……it bit me and in my wild gyrations I threw the spider onto the girl…..

    and that’s how I met your mother.

    April 4, 2011
  9. You must have known the feral lady who lived up in one of the bigger trees back then, she would shit into a hole in the ground from 30′ up – I have a recipe somewhere

    April 4, 2011
  10. Steve Shearer #

    she was my landlady

    April 4, 2011
  11. Mike #

    This is too funny.

    Lost a couple nice girls on surf trips. One thought an extended trip to Oz would include shopping in Sydney.. ooopppssss. The charm of Yamba was lost on her and the caravan park, well…. It was so nice bidding her farewell in Brisbane after just one week.

    Can’t imagine modern days with girls surfing, would have saved me a divorce and several dramas, but you can’t choose your own timing now can we?

    As for huntsmen, no thanks.

    April 10, 2011
  12. Some women are a deadset mystery aren’t they .. they don’t like to sleep on the ground, they don’t fish properly, they want to wash at least once every couple of days and insist on eating vegetables – and I always thought that a night at the Yamba vanpark with its patrolling utes full of fighting locals was part of the great charm of that lovely place

    April 10, 2011
  13. Mike #

    Petey, she knew why we we’re going….. no ambush of swell. Had a fine month without her, trust me.

    And the park was empty, but you paint an ugly picture of it’s current state.

    Quiet town as far as I know. Real quiet.

    April 13, 2011
  14. I have watched as lots of guys think it’s going to be the solution to all their problems if their chick surfs. They shouldn’t get confused though… Just because she surfs still doesn’t mean she’s going to put up with bullshit.

    April 13, 2011
  15. That’s a big part of the problem ‘bec – nobody like to be caught out bullshitting and a girl in the water sees it all the time

    April 13, 2011
  16. True ‘dat.

    April 13, 2011
  17. satch #

    quite some world you got in here

    April 15, 2011
  18. Mike #

    But shouldn’t a common passion bridge the divide of a girlfriend that views surfing as competition?

    Bec?

    April 15, 2011
  19. Of course! It’s amazing to share surfing with someone you love. It’s the best!

    But I think that it gets more complex than that too. It depends on the people and the relationship I guess. If you’re assuming that just because a woman surfs then she surfs like you, I reckon you would be disappointed. There’s still a lot of compromise involved – where you surf, how often, with whom, and if there are shared chores, obligations or kids to consider, then it might be a competition for who gets to go out!

    If you are the kind of person who can compromise, then cool but sometimes… it’s not so simple as ‘sharing a passion’, right?

    April 16, 2011
  20. Mike #

    You should write a column on surf relationship advice Becc!

    Never had the good fortune to date a woman who surfed, so yeah the fantasy sounds easy. I know guys that struggle with the issues you raise, where to surf and all that, but those challenges seem ten fold easier to solve.

    You’d be surprised to know that in college, we hid our boards when dates came over. You’d never let your new girl see your skateboards piled up either. To know that woman are involved now blows the mind really, everything used to be so covert in my time…. localism, job prospects, women. Double lives for sure and surfing would seem a romantic hobby until a girlfriend was immersed in my life and realized the commitment level of something other than her and money.

    Possibly, that’s an American thing, a nation gone astray and addcited to TV.

    April 22, 2011
  21. Sorry Mike, but it just sounds to me like you kept going for the wrong girls! There were plenty of chicks around (even as far back as your youth! Ha!) who were keen to travel and explore and live by the coast. I know many of them. They incorporated their partner’s surfing into their lives, but that still doesn’t mean they were ok with always coming second to waves. That’s just shit and they shouldn’t put up with it.

    I certainly wouldn’t.

    A few years ago, I arrived at my best friend’s birthday BBQ early because I wanted to dash off and surf that afternoon – I didnt’ think anyone would miss me. But when I was the first to arrive, she looked at me and laughed; “I knew you’d come early. You want to surf later, don’t you. That’s okay, Bec. But you are so predictable.” This woman is my most loyal and dearest friend, and she had been making room for my surfing for years and I hadn’t even noticed – I was taking her for granted. I was appalled at myself and ever since then I have made sure to put surfing second to the people I love ever since.

    April 24, 2011

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