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there is much to regret

Some evenings when all Netflix has to offer is some Narco drama where everybody dies all a man can do flick it off and go looking for something to write about and take out his angst.

There is much to regret, and on behalf of all those who rode balsa and are still breathing, I thought a few words before bedtime might help make the nightmares fade.

Like this one.

This is Gunter Fargenutts, a Stockholm local carving down the waveless face of a glassy lake in Bavaria on his electrical pulse hydro-foil blow-up no-paddle made in China composite pop-up surfboard. Priced at about 40,000 kroner, that’s divide by about nine in US dollars. No refunds. Batteries extra.

Reliable sources have told me that a close friend has been seen riding one of these  ..  things .. at Avalon lately and it’s a poor sign of the times that his car hasn’t been set alight in the carpark. A man pines for the good old days when unthinking brutality ruled surfing. The only surfers practising successful biffo these days are mat-riders who don’t like girls. Key me in a Lennox Head local and Ballina Courthouse.

How many ways is this wrong?

.. and this

Everybody loves Barton Lynch, he exudes love and bonhomie, he also reckons it’s a good idea to pay large notes to go surfing in a theme park where waves are created by a steam-generated hydraulic petrol powered bath plunger. A cynic might give The Barton a little leeway here because he’s a goofy foot, but I’m thinking that any ex-pro worth his wax wouldn’t be seen dead using a microphone to convince kooks to spend their days and money risking tinnitus and carbon monoxide poisoning in a wave-pond built uncomfortably adjacent to municipal toilet facilities in a Queensland artificial wave corporate enterprise.

{shudder} and then there is this …

Surfing is fun. Only a surfer knows the feeling. The ocean in its timeless tranquility soothes the intemperate soul and settles an unquiet mind with its gracefull rhythms.

This is what the Chinese believe is happening here, they’ve read the magazines, seen the movies and now they are waiting for the perfect wave, the innermost pulse of pure freedom and their right to be at one with nature @ ¥3,200 per half-day kids half price. Puncture one of these ‘custom-built surf craft’ and it’s another ¥575 on the ticket. Someone tell me Slater didn’t pinch his tub business theme from this baby. The more the merrier and the bigger the bank balance. You know it makes sense.

.. and finally

Had a big chuckle at the Chinese mob did you, huh?

Well, this is us and a man has to ask, seriously, who would consider going out into this shitfight if he didn’t have to? So what if Parko and Mick are out there on the inside drainpipe being hooted through by the thronging thousands. Look at this shot. There are about three hundred in the water all clammed up together and nobody on the middle growler.

Makes a man hanker for the old days.

Mike Doyle. He knew.

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. lorraine lambert #

    I couldn’t think of anything more boring than watching pros ride the perfect man made wave in competition. Kelly Slater may have spent billions on his surf ranch in california and has already held comps. But to my mind it will never replace the real thing, dependent on the natural environment and natural skills of judgement balance, courage and luck that comes with riding a real wave.

    August 17, 2020
  2. And Cochran #

    HI PETE, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER,AND I GIVE YOU A FEW STORIES ON THE BALSA,IF YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THEM.I THINK MICK RODE THEM TO,I HAD ABOUT 3,OR 4,MADE FROM WARD,AND DILLON,AFTER WE RODE THAT ACTOR PETER,L,I HAD ONE PIG BOARD MADE BY RAY YOUNG,HALL YOUNG,HOLLOWED OUT THE IN SIDE TO MAKE IT LIGHTER,ITS THAT PICTURE,FROM WOMANS WEEKLY,WITH US AT BONDI,WITH,BLUE,DILLON,DES PRICE,AND BARRY ROSS ,I THINK I HAD ANOTHER BY NOEL WARD WHERE HE TOOK A LOT OF BALSA OF THE TOP,A LITTLE CONCAVE. ANY WAY ,I HOPE TO CATCH UP WITH YOU ONE DAY, TAKE CARE,KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH DOOLEY,AND BENNETT, BEST ALWAYS. ANDY.C.

    August 18, 2020
  3. Doing it, Andy, looking forward to your unblemished recollections of teaching Peter Lawford how to surf … probably a bloody goofy-foot.

    August 19, 2020

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