algorithms

by peterbowes on June 10, 2019

algorithm/ˈalɡərɪð(ə)m/noun

a process or set of rules to be followed in calculations or other problem-solving operations, especially by a computer.

I’ve worked for a software company. I’ve mixed with the acid chewers at 3 am on a Sunday morning as they reel out of their cubes after eighteen uninterrupted hours of coding at $150 per but this was 1985 so alright if the money is better now …

I’ve read what the politicians would like to do with meta-data, like chase down anyone who has googled what works with disguising a positive on a drug swab – or who has a subscription to High Times.

I know they have figured out how to infest every site a bloke likes to visit with come-ons their software has sniffed out of his browsing.

For instance ..

Never, ever, browse lingerie with a view to buying the little woman something special for something special, because, when she looks over your shoulder a couple of days later while you’re online watching the investments tank, all she spots is a Google implant of some babe wearing something silk and skimpy, and being a woman, she wants to know who this babe is, what’s her name and number and who can she can hire to have her subpoenaed for the divorce hearing.

Talk your way out of that brother …

This is what algorithms do – they dob you in. Righteously.

Like Wikipedia, if it’s there, it’s gospel.

But what the acid chewers don’t algorise is that when you punch the ‘Ad Closed By Google’ option over a hundred times, and I’ve counted them, they don’t.