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surf forums, a barometer of surfing’s decline, updated.

Surfing website forums – where so many have a gnarly avatar and a brutal attitude, together with a great and withstanding knowledge of the laws that govern conspiracy, corporate malfeasance and how to get money out of a liquidation the day before the liquidator drives into the carpark in his gold Bentley – are becoming as interesting as reading a second hand book on Australian Commercial Law.

Swellnet, for instance, not the most salubrious site on surfing available – where so many want to talk about business, and from a professional perspective – that’s because half the the bastards are in business, asamatteroffact these gentleman are sitting at their desks being paid minimum  $250 per H and here they are streaming their stellar piss on Sellnought’s fragrant wind.

Some people go to Tech to learn how to be an accountant, others read selected Swellnet forums. There is an idiosyncrasy in this, because not only do surfers know the feeling, surfers are also rebels without a cause. So why are we reading half-baked, misinformed and, you must admit, very fucking boring public utterances from a bunch of pear-shaped suits sitting in carpeted cubes sixty stories in the air .. ? And who lately seem to be fixated on unwholesome subjects most normal men of forty plus would rather avoid lest the good wife and kiddies find out.

Realsurf, for instance – and may I preface this personal onslaught by saying that Newport is the home of some very fine surfers, very fine, all six of them, and how they are thrust at you in the bookshops and papershops.

One Realsurf forum has a thread that is, in reality, a column – and it is called Ask Carroll.  There have been 90,000 plus views registered on this thread, and 1,600 comments appended. Mathematic principle demands it of me to produce a meaningful number out of this, and that is – that there are 38,986 surfers, worldwide, who feel it necessary to ask Nick Carroll a question, or at least listen in to what he has to offer someone else for their troubles.

And all in public.

We You .. have a problem.

not you Don, never ..

16 Comments Post a comment
  1. tbc #

    And to think he once retired at post 5000- vowing never to return!Now back (with double that in posts) and methinks suffering severely from relevance deprivation syndrome(or a need to keep the Googlebots wheels spinning) and not up to parting with some hard earned- even anonymously- to keep the Realsurf accountants at arms length!

    “I’ll make it clear for you though, I’m not chipping in on this, I am sympathetic to what Don’s trying to do but since other people pay me to help them and are cool enough about it to tolerate me fooling around in these forums, it’s perhaps a bit much to offer financial assistance to a competitor.”
    10,000 is a bit more than fooling around!

    October 2, 2013
  2. Dino #

    there was also a thread called ask Dino that until Dino was banned rivaled ask Carroll for queries. it’s a conspiracy . chase it up scoop

    October 2, 2013
  3. I’m onto it ….

    October 2, 2013
  4. Mick #

    So why are we reading half-baked, misinformed and, you must admit, very fucking boring public utterances from a bunch of pear-shaped suits sitting in carpeted cubes sixty stories in the air?

    Probably for the same reason we bother to read half-assed, misanthropic and, HST would probably assert, very derivative slurrings from an ex-accountant with too much time on his spotty white hands.

    October 2, 2013
  5. I resent that impolite slur Mick, it was late last night and the rum bottle demanded a return in its investment ..

    October 2, 2013
  6. Mick #

    Which particular one? Slur, I mean.

    October 2, 2013
  7. the spotty white one

    October 2, 2013
  8. Mick #

    Was there a first handbook on Oz commercial law? And where would I pick one up?

    October 2, 2013
  9. I used mine to roll joints after I got an accounting ticket at Tech in 1972 ..

    October 2, 2013
  10. Stu #

    “a bunch of pear-shaped suits sitting in carpeted cubes sixty stories in the air .. ?”

    Hey, I resemble that statement!

    In a chronically post-modern way.

    October 3, 2013
  11. Mark Howie Haddock - I'm moving back to Avalon in 2014 #

    Way to many big words, deep thoughts and profered remedies to what I’m not sure, I’ve got to go have a lie down. One request only – can we ban surf forecasting so those that can read a weather map can get in front of those that can’t and reap a few solitary moments.

    Jeez how good was M. Fanning this week.

    October 5, 2013
  12. sjh #

    Fanning who and what , forecasting?

    October 5, 2013
  13. howie, on behalf of all the local avalon crew, south and north but excluding la because it’s too exciting, just come on in mate – you can have my spot.

    October 8, 2013
  14. Just got to reading this Pete. I’ve always enjoyed your writing and your insights but, to be honest, I am not quite sure what your point is here.

    I’m guessing you know NC. I do too. Not well, but well enough to trust his judgement. And I have always enjoyed his writing – when I was in a position to do so, I used to commission him for a magazine (RIP) I once worked at. He always delivered on the mark, and on deadline, the hallmark of an experienced, professional journalist.

    Anyway, he recently said one of the reasons he DOES post to RS is because of Don’s motives and ethics which are, as I am sure you would agree, second to none. Norris has never tried to do anything more, fiscally, with realsurf than attempt to get it to pay for itself.

    I’ve known Don since RS kicked off. Had coffee with him the other day. He’s an amazing person, with strong ethics and a desire to do the right thing by the RS community. Heck, I bought a house off him once…..

    I disagree with your statement the Ask Carroll thread is a fifth columnist. Check the last couple of days of posts – bike seats, fer chrissake, and not a peep from NC. It’s too free wheeling to be a column and, as I am sure you know, the nature of a column is that it is in one direction. Just ask Piers Ackerman. The Ask Carroll thread has multiple perspectives from heaps of the characters that infest the RS forums. It’s a discussion, not a column.

    Personally, I am grateful NC bothers with the forums; he provides some great perspective, some great anecdotes and a reasonable amount of insight. And I know for a fact he’s not getting paid to do it. So why does a professional writer give away words? Because, as he’s said on the record at one point, that the forums also give back to him, providing some insight into what the great unwashed mass of surfers think. And, to be frank, he probably thinks it’s fun.

    Anyway mate, I’d love you to clarify your thinking on this one. Stay in touch.


    October 17, 2013
  15. You blokes read too much into something written under the influence of age, alcohol, experience, prejudice, drugs, music and a general lifelong desire to smack the piss out of everything.
    Josh, every time I bumped into NC, whether it was at the beach or whenever I saw him sliding past McConaghy’s boat shed, I slipped him a serve. This is what I have to do.
    He writes books, I wrote a book, Don has a website, I’ve got a couple of those – It’s all about having readers Josh. Nothing more, nothing less.
    NC has more than me, Don has more than me, so I do what anybody on the outside of the pack does, get stuck in.
    Nice to hear from you Glider, we go back, and Trev – don’t try so hard mate, what took ten minutes to write should be forgotten in five.
    (HowYOU doin Fong?)

    October 18, 2013
  16. sjh #

    Fucken ell, another NC mulinational 1980s surf tripe worshiper , I come PB for intellectual stimulus and a good fucken laugh and well bobs your surfboat if some twit dosnt drop in a slap crap all over the shed louvers so we cant see out…drop in or drop out mate

    October 20, 2013

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