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the goats

Things some folks wish for.

More major surfing brand corporations with massive debt, declining sales, declining share price, huge inventories, complex and punishing supply arrangements, declining Brand, declining market share, negative vision .. shit, we could go on forever here and exposure to the European and American consumer markets (or what’s left of them). Not to mention yet another smart arse blogartist having a shot at them.

Boardshort manufacturers.

A pair of canvas Ron Adlers to be worn without sluggos for an eight hour session at Crescent Head while trying to outpaddle Bluey Mayes, and no rinsing in between.

Surfboard manufacturers.

Local board-makers who whine about imports: two years shaping in a Dongguan sanding bay on China money.

Surf Shop owners.

A series of sharp uppercuts in the female changing room, then a job selling lingerie at K-Mart.

Surf wax manufacturers.

Someone find how big those blocks were 10 years ago – melt the difference between then and now and give the bastards an enema with it.

Surf magazine writers with opinions.

–  ones who do the hard-hitting articles on page 23 after 22 pages of ads and nudes; a dictionary opened at page 326 …. relevance

Surfing Professionals.

Everything their grandparents wished them; an accounting / law degree and a life of modest security in a suburb south of Seattle, and a little less fanfare for doing what we all do, catch waves a lot.

Keep the arms down boys, that’s how you get crucified.

Pro contest judges.

Another two years in kindergarten, for a refresher on life experience, plus a little more helium to make you sound even funnier.

Pro contest narrators.

You blokes suffer from blog-writer’s syndrome – you think someone’s listening / or reading


Anyone that bored needs to look at chess, and in the meantime take a good look at yourself out there.


You see … ^ someone can always improve on hopeless.

Surf website proprieters.

Anyone who thinks that 40,000 hits a day is a little on the low side needs to hire better writers –

Anyone who’s had a book on surfing published.

Especially N. Carroll – My humblest best wishes. And my head is almost bigger than yours.

Surf blog writers.

The goats, they see the joke.

8 Comments Post a comment
  1. congrats – I nominated you for the “versatile blogger award” 🙂

    December 19, 2011
    • cheers stefan, it’s all a blur to me-

      December 19, 2011
  2. I’d send you a naked surfer lady but they’re not as easy to find as naked surfer dudes…hehehe

    December 20, 2011
    • – and not so easy to wrap … hey Jo

      December 20, 2011
  3. Steve Beach #

    A gift suggestion for holders of shares in a certain putative “surf brand” company: a takeover bid. Anyone will do. But soon…. Please, make it soon.

    (I’m not one. Thank Dog)

    December 20, 2011
    • Looks like some folks have got their major surf brand corporation collapse a couple of days early steve – Billabong looking at the receivers and managers next year ..? after they break their banking covenants …?

      That arse-biting beast is back ..

      December 20, 2011
      • Steve Beach #

        Yep…. The best hope is for a friendly white knight.

        As distinct from Nike.

        December 20, 2011
  4. sjh #

    I still think this is one of the best you have penned, and how i snigger as the soles whores are still stuck in the shore break with all the kooks ,infirm ,bogans ,trendies, non swimmers, golfers and the rest of the bareback bleached permed waxed flotsam ..

    shoot to kill
    redemption is never
    reflections wither in the light

    November 6, 2013

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